Confidence Busters, Part 1

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Weakness is deemed the most unhonorable thing amongst society. Fortunately we can link our weakness with laser beam accuracy to the areas in our lives in which we lack confidence. Those areas hold clues as to how we can better address our weakness and arise a much stronger individual. Inspired by an article I read a while back that helped to reshape my mental impetus, I share here a few confidence busters that we experience and how we can tackle them.

1. I feel clueless. Get answers. When you don't have the acts, take initiative to do some research. You will find what you are looking for through books, mentors, and even through hands on experience.
2. I am scared. The only way to conquer fear is by facing them. Fear is just false expectations appearing real. Until we actually go out there and do something, we have no idea what the outcome will be. 
3. No one believes I can do it. As my lief coach once said to me opinions are like assholes, and everyone has one. Lose the non believers and build a fan base. When in a rough patch, ask your supporters for encouragement
4. This is just too big to take on right now. Break the tack down into smaller piece and start taking action today. If you want more money then pick up a finance book. If you're not happy at your job, than take a free online career test to find a perfect job for you.

 Stay tuned for part II

Enjoy
xxx

Good Reads: Purpose Driven Life

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Why do you exist? What is your purpose in life and what have you done today to fulfill it? Often times we get so caught up in our daily affairs that we allow time to pass us by and never fulfill our purposes. One of my favorite books to meditate on is called a Purpose Drive Life by Rick Warren. The book does an excellent job of helping individuals define our many life purposes. It is a bit religious at times as it uses quotes from the bible throughout the book. But religion aside what I have taken from the book are words of encouragement to live my best possible life.

To paraphrase from the book you weren't put on the earth to just breathe, eat, take up space and have fun. You were fashioned and formed to make a unique contribution. You were put here to give something back, not just to get. We are here to add life on earth, not take from it. We are designed to make a difference.

When we live our lives in purpose we truly understand what it means to live. When our times comes to past, go knowing that we did more than just wear the right things, say the right things, and do all the right things. Go knowing that our existence made all the difference in the world. So starting today, ask yourself, what will your legacy be?

Enjoy
xxx

Ha Ha Haters

A young woman came to me the other day with her eyes on the brink of tears, face wrinkled with frustration and voice quivering with anger. She was absolutely tired of her father's negative comments. The situation is quite simple. Shes living at home, but while she builds her life together brick by brick her father, bless his heart, is right there criticizing her every move. He is there telling her just how out of whack her stacking skills are. He is a hater.

I can absolutely relate to this plight, as I have had a number of people in my life who supported me but secretly believed I would fail. Much to our chagrin, their behavior is literally the spark that lights our burning desire to be great. In the words of on of my favorite artists, we can let these dream killers kill our dreams or use them as steam to steam power our dreams. What those haters do not know is that with every pointed finger laugh, furrowed eyebrow and under breath commentary (which by the way is almost always heard) they are ultimately creating a success monster. As monsters we turns our failures into an iconic success of the most epic proportions. The non believers eventually end up eating their words and gasping in awe suddenly spewing lies that they have always believed in us.

Understand that the world outside our minds will never be able to see our full potential. Therefore it is up to us to prove them wrong so we can shut them up. Most people will advise you to not listen to haters, but I encourage you to take note. Whenever we are in a place of discouragement, these notes remind us that there is always someone out there waiting for us to fail. And we will never give them the satisfaction.

Enjoy
xxx

Money Can Buy You...

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Yes it is true that money cannot buy you certain intangible things. Items like happiness are found through our life experiences. Happiness comes from the company we keep and the sense of joy felt when we have made a great accomplishment and lived our lives exactly in the way we planned it. Money cannot buy us love. Yes it is very true that romantic feelings are the result of our interaction with a desirable individual. Love, happiness, peace of mind and spirituality is something we can never put a dollar amount on. Or can we?

You see although money cannot buy these things, money gives us the ability to have things. When we talk about our desire to have money what we are truly asking for are the things that money can bring us. Like it or not we live in a western world society where we are within access of shelter, technology, education, clean clothes, food and water. All of which comes with a price tag. Only primitive societies (such as the aboriginal ones we seen on National Geographic) are able to function without these things. We choose to live in this fast paced technologically advanced society therefore in order to remain afloat we must be able to attain the key to our survival: money. How can one truly be happy when the stress of bills is always wavering above our heads? How can one be in a happy relationship when there is constant arguments about money?

There is no choice between money, love, and happiness in this society. We need it all or we end up unbalanced. Without one we end up with feelings of incompletion. Money may not buy emotions, but it does give us the ability to get closer to the things we need to live in this society. So the next time you fix your lips to say the oh so famed expression, remember where you live. Proclaiming the absence of money in turn for happiness will ultimately leave us both broke and unhappy.

Enjoy
xxx

Celebrating Failure

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So as many of you know, my life has been filled with upsets. Perhaps I would have been happier if the love of my life had decided to stay with me or if I had completed grad school and secured a job. But all things happen with reason. My failures have truly served their purpose in allowing me to reevaluate my life and question that which I valued so vehemently. Failure was my opportunity to triumph. Faced with the reality that I was not perfect, I became vulnerable and sought refuge in a higher power. It is there that I learned the true meaning of Divine intervention. Failure had humbled me. It whipped me into shape, wiped my slate clean, and cleared my dirty windows. I now am able  to see my true path. Now as I climb back up the ladder of success I have such a great appreciation for the things I once lost and the things that I have. Life is so much more meaningful.

Listen when I tell you this, I know many of us go through trial and tribulations. The economy is rough and we all are struggling a bit to stay afloat while trying to feign normality. But this too shall pass. Struggle is temporary. Even when we have given up on possibilities it is imperative that we try try try again. Our reward is soon to come. In our moments of weakness we must celebrate the end of something great and the beginning of something wonderful. Nothing teaches us better than falling.

Enjoy
xxx

College is a Waste

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Everyone says a college education is the key to success. We spend hundred of thousands of dollars invested in receiving just that. We spend the first 18 years of lives preparing to get into university, filled with pressure from our parents, test preparation deadlines, and interviews at top Universities. But once we've gotten into the University, is it really worth what it has cost us? Last month I made a donation to a young girl who racked up $80,000 in students loans with a degree in sociology. I myself have almost $40k in loans in a field I no longer care to be in, and know plenty of people who like myself, are carrying a load of debt from attending college. So what did all that money really go towards? Wait until you here this!

The report retrieved from the book Academically Adrift revealed that when in college/university students actually spend 51% of their time socializing! Only about 9% of our time is actually spent learning while remainder of our time is spent working, volunteering, etc. If you are not outraged by this you should be. I have come to realise that although I value my education and my time spent at college, what I really am paying for right now are my experiences: all the parties, mixers, and other miscellaneous things that had absolutely nothing to to with learning. We go into college striving to learn how to get a job when we should really focus our time on making money work for us, or learning how to function in the real world. The money used to fund education would be better spent traveling the world, starting a business, and being donated to charity. Our education is not solely dependent on a diploma. Our education is everywhere in everything that we surround ourselves with.

Remember that university is first and foremost a business. They may make claims to be offering you the golden ticket to life, but from experience I learned that charm, charisma, and wit can trump any diploma. The best education comes not from knowing many things, but knowing where to find the answer. If university is your coice, you better be milking it for every penny. So before you make an attempt to invest in your education, resort to college only if you can afford to pay the price.

Read article here

Enjoy
xxx

Music is Life + Great Sounds: Rox

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I went almost a week without listening to music and it almost drove me insane. It's so amazing how music impacts our live. We all know that it expresses our deepest darkest feeling when we ourselves are unable to find the words to describe the way we feel. Music is so significant, it is a multi-billion dollar industry that has successfully turns average Joes in millionares and celebrties. It has the power to change our moods, and stimulate our emotions which is why we need to pay attention to what we are listening to.

A friend of mine pointed out that only a few years ago, music was dedicated to love and happiness. Almost everything we listened to was rooted in the idea of feeling good. Now our music focuses more on sex, heartbreak, and reckless abandon than happiness. Tragic. Although I love a good blues song and booty shaker here and there, it definitely does not take up my rotation.

But rant aside, I want to take this time to promo this great new artist I discovered. She's a London native who goes by the name of Rox. I absolutely love her sound and her voice is nothing short of amazing. Not quite sure if her music is picking up in here in the U.S but I definitely predict it will.

Amazing! For more infor on Rox check her out here.

Enjoy
xxx

Tasty Pallets: Snickers Pancakes

I came across this idea at breakfast restaurant near my neighborhood and decided to give it a try. It is so delicious! It's so good I don't need to add an syrup to it. There are two different ways to make snicker pancakes. So I'll list them both.

INGREDIENTS

1. 1 1/2 cups flour
2. 1teaspoon baking powder
3. 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
4. 1/4 teaspoon salt
5. 2 tablespoons sugar
6. 1 1/4 cups buttermilk
7. 1/2 cup whole milk
8. 1 large egg
9. 2 tablespoons butter, melted
10. Snickers candy bars cut into small pieces(however many you’d like)

DIRECTIONS

1. Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar in a large bowl.
2. Measure the buttermilk and whole milk in a large measuring cup; add the egg and beat slightly with a fork just to break up the yolk.
3. Stir in the melted butter.
4. Pour the buttermilk mixture into the flour mixture and stir just until incorporated; don’t worry if there are some small lumps.
5. Stir in the snickers; let the batter rest for 10-15 minutes.
6. Grease a griddle or frying pan; heat over medium-high heat for about 2 minutes.
7. Reduce heat to medium.
8. For each pancake, ladle about 1/4 cup of the batter into the pan and cook until tiny bubbles form at the surface and the bottoms are golden, about 2-3 minutes.
9. Flip pancakes over and brown the other side, about another 1-2 minutes.

The second method is to use the same method of making buttermilk pancakes. Skip adding the snickers. Once you've finished making the pancakes pour chocolate syrup, melted caramel, peanuts, and snicker pieces atop the stack. You can add a little whip cream on top for and extra treat!

Enjoy
xxx

BF VS. BFF

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Don't you ever notice that once when we acquire a new companion in our lives, our friends start to disappear? A sad but true study at Oxford University stated that every time we get a new man in our lives we lose two of our friends. This is disheartening because it truly shows the sacrifices made in relationships everyday. But is being in a relationship worth losing friends? What are the long term effects of doing this in our lives?

Last night while I was watching Jersey Shore (yes I know, I'm not proud of it) one of the cast members totally isolated herself. Why? Because her once friends expressed a dislike for her boyfriend. To top it off her relationship with her boyfriend was not the best. She is well aware he has cheated on her and verbally abused her on occasion. Unhealthy relationship aside, the point is that she chose to make enemies of her friends so she can have someone to cuddle up with at night. Unfortunately she now leads an extremely boring life where her days consists of following her boyfriends like a stray cat. Now I can't blame her for being a sucker for love. When in a relationship, we tend to view the world in a whole new light. But our rose colored shades tend to turn people we once valued into foes. With relationships as detrimental as this, we eventually end up losing not once, but three times: two friends and a boyfriend.

So it all bundles down to this, losing a friend or two when we are in a relationship is to be expected. Not all our friends are going to favor our bf's and that should be accepted. But we need to be careful not to dismiss those friends when they are looking out for our best interests.

Enjoy
xxx

Dreams on a Deadline

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The month of January is coming to a very quick end. And since this is the month where our goals are most likely to be thwarted, I thought I'd take the time to really figure how to attain my goals so that my year will be as productive as planned.

Seven Simple Steps to Staying On Course

1. Have Vision. Construct a vision board with pictures and words describing exactly what I want to achieve
2. K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Sexy. The best thing about life is it goes by one day at a time, but sometimes we try to run marathons without first running a mile. Create simple attainable goals so that you are motivated to take on larger challenges through completion of a small tasks.
3. Have Clear goals. Don't be wishy washy. Be clear down to the date, number, and exact results you expect to obtain.
4. Get a Partner. Get one person to team up with who will remind you of your goals. Have them keep a copy of your goal list. They will help me stay accountable for everything I put out
5. Revisit Your Goals. Our memories sometimes are limited, so revisit your goals frequently and you can refresh your memory
6. Check it Off. Create a list of goals you can post right next to your vision board and start checking things off every single month (you'd be surprised how fast time flies when you have a deadline). Remember to F.O.C.U.S - Follow on Course Until Successful!
7. Check the Excuses at the Door. I have this phrase that excuses are for people too lazy to do the work. Lazy people lead boring lives and love to complain. If there's a will, there's a way.

Goals are not hard to accomplish if you have the discipline and focus to attain them. Good Luck.

Enjoy
xxx

Ode to Powerful Men

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Oh yes! This is my ode to the powerful men of the world. I'm talking specifically to those who have worked or are working hard throughout their lives towards their goal. You see the powerful man gets everything he wants because he settles for nothing less. Not even when he has achieved his goal. Each step he makes is superseded with thoughts of a larger goal, and a greater accomplishment. He has this 'Top it' mentality that truly inspires many to follow suit. So why does this matter? Because the powerful man holds the ultimate model for which every human being desires to become. Men and women alike whether they admit it or not take notice of the powerful man. We look to the powerful man for motivation, inspiration, and guidance to achieve the things we truly desire in life. A powerful man, whether looks aside can have anything he want. He will always be a force to be reckoned with because his charisma has the ability to charm even the most nastiest of attitudes.

It is for this reason that I without a doubt pay homage to the powerful man. But even though my adoration for the powerful man prompted the writing of this post, I do want to warn those who attempt to be like the powerful man. They say still waters run deep and I tend to agree. On the exterior the powerful man is calm, cool, and collected. And he is like this because he knows the #1 rule of keeping cool is to never let them see you sweat. Behind closed doors the powerful man has an abundance of problems that would have the average person cowering in fear. Hence, with great power comes great responsibilities. If power is your desire, one must prepare themselves for unstoppable drama and still be able to maintain a smile. But first things first, to be powerful, you have to surround yourself with powerful people. So my objective this year is to become powerful by association. What about you?

Enjoy
xxx

Negative Nancy

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Today I found myself extremely discouraged. I ran across a great news article with information that could save people money. So as a good Samaritan I passed the information to my family members first thinking they would be elated by the news. Unfortunately, I was wrong. It turns out, the information I passed on was described as 'hokey' and 'nonapplicable.' I would love to tell you I took it with a grain of salt but I was very irritated. As they were refuting my corroborated advice, I literally saw the face of society. It was like one person was expressing the ideals of a million minds, and even though we were talking about a small topic that probably only affects a small population, the principal of the matter is what really bothered me. I was trying to help them and they didn't want it.

Here's the sad but true reality of life which (puts a dent in my joy experiment), some people don't want to change at all. Some people will feel nothing but offense when you offer advice. Some people just find joy in misery. It makes me wonder that if the world were in dire need of help from mankind, would man do his part in saving the earth by giving a helping hand? I know this seems a bit broad, but the correlation is undeniable. There are people who have accepted and find comfort in misery. They strongly believe in the philosophy Every man for himself. These people can't wait to talk about how bad their day was. They are flaw finders. They hate when people correct them, and often times they refuse to let go of old ways and modernize. Fortunately what brings me hope is the fact that there are those who live their lives looking for joy and happiness. Those who see criticism as constructive, and weigh the pros and con of all ancient and modern information. Those who are constantly evolving, yet still remain true to themselves.

Finding the balance is difficult. It is only hard because sometimes the people closest to us are the very people who are Negative Nancy's. So the lesson here is learning how to remain positive and cool inspite of how negative Nancy is. Do not indulge Nancy with rhetoric or bitter words, because they will only succeed in bringing us down to their level. This will by far be one of my greatest challenges and something I hope you can take with you throughout your life. Stay positive.

Enjoy
xxx

I Like You!

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When I was younger I never ever ever! approached a man I had a crush on. As a matter of fact, I would act the exact opposite way: total indifference. When he would walk by me, I'd pretend I didn't even notice he already walked into the room twenty minutes ago through the back door wearing his favorite blue shirt with one bag strap over his left shoulder (Too creepy?). There's something so magical about having a crush. What makes it so amazing is that this guy can become our ultimate fantasy. In our mind he's emotionally available, well dress, romantic, poetic, yet is also this edgy bad boy, powerful, masculine, and all encompassing Greek godlike model. In our minds, he is perfection. And I guess this is the reason why I never revealed to my crushes (and trust me there were many), how I truly felt. I wanted him to remain my piece of perfection. I wanted him to remain madly enchanted by me. (Don't act like you haven't done this before!) But the new me started to wonder what if I revealed my interest to my crush.

There are so many things that could go terribly wrong in this scenario. First he could be a complete idiot as apposed to the articulate, intelligent, charming and witty man you envisioned. Secondly, he could already be taken. And finally third he may be flattered, but uninterested in you. (Ouch). All reasons why I have chosen to keep my crushes secrets. So to test out if these theories were true, I made the decision to reveal one of my crushes. After weeding out the presumably single ones I narrowed it down to the one I deemed most interesting of the bunch.

Side bar: during this little experiment, a number of my crushes magically decided to start relationships. I guess I should thank facebook for giving me the heads up.

So before the new year started, I sent him a short yet heart felt email (I accidental deleted his number from my phone, oops!). I can tell you it truly did feel amazing being able to get that off my shoulders. But as suspected absolutely nothing followed. And for some strange reason, I'm OK with that. Granted this did prove theory No. 3 correct, I have absolutely no regrets that I did it. In doing so I have diminished all desires for this person. I now no longer worry about what could have been, because I now know that all the flirting was probably just a ploy to get into my pants. People always ramble that God works in mysterious way, but I believe He knows exactly what He's doing! And He saved me from that person.

My advice to you is to go find a crush that you've been keeping secret and reveal it. In the end you will find that sometimes our best kept secrets are the ones that hold the power to transform our lives tremendously.

Enjoy
xxx

Acting Like a Lady

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After two days of being in bed and getting acquainted with my new friend the bathroom, I finally mustered up the strength to get up this Friday afternoon. I took a brief walk to the bank, paid a few bills, and am now making feast with some Chinese food. Although I hate getting sick, I love the feeling I get when the illness has passed. I feel at any moment I can rip off my shirt revealing a magnificent and shiny letter S across my chest exclaiming, "Ah ha! I've defeated the virus once again!" (My sick little fantasy world). But anyway, here I am.

Through my moments of dementia, I came across some compelling facts and much awaited epiphanies.
1. I am absolutely terrified of being in a relationship
2. I use men
3. Men use me.
In the moments my mind finally came to realize this, I was able to slowly come to grips with the reality of why I remain a single woman who attracts the wrong men. Maybe it is the fact that I've always expected the worst of people before they even get a chance to mess up. Or maybe it's the fact that I thought of boyfriends as trophies and play toys rather than human beings with real feelings. The irony is that I've always chastised men for being misogynists or barbaric, when in retrospect, my fixation  for these negative characteristics had turned me into the very man I abhorred.

As of now, I am castrating my pseudo male anatomy and reclaiming my vagina (excuse the graphics but I had to get my point across). To all the ladies out there who are in angst over being single, have gratitude for being alone. When you're alone you begin to understand that maybe the problem truly lies in yourself.  We all think we know ourselves until one day we're trapped in bed in the middle of the night suffering from an untold sickness. It is only then that we begin to reflect on our lives and discover our true demons. It is only then, in the pits of darkness, that we find that our worst enemies are ourselves. I sound like a therapist on steroids, but I'm really just a girl with lots of time, good Chinese food, and access to the world. Crazy as it may sound, my revelations almost always make sense. So in this part of my experiment I will learn how to act like a lady, conquer my relationship gripes, and truly treat a man like a king.

Enjoy
xxx

Good Reads: My Fair Lazy

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My Fair Lazy by Jen Lancaster has been out for a while now, but I am just getting my nose in this New York Time Best Selling author's book. I was never a fan of memoirs. In the past my limited mind could not wrap itself around the idea of reading the endless rants of someone else's life. I mean it's a non fictional book with no theme, climax, or general purpose except to tell the story of 'the good old days'. But since we live now in an age where we tweet and facebook just about everything in our lives, I thought I'd give this book a try. I especially have come to realize that I have been tremendously inspired by the lives of so many individuals thus far in my journey. Their 'memiors' have just come in the form of blogs, life coaching, and movies.

So to the book...I have never read any of her previous books, but I've seen tons of great reviews. So I was pleased to have thoroughly enjoyed this reading as a novice to her writing. Her life reminded me that people are still very human and no one is perfect. Sometimes our daily habits cause detriments to our desire to interact with with others and therefore we try to evolve but come along many bumps in the road. I most definitely recommend this book to anyone who would like a good laugh. It'll be at your local bookstore, or if you're like me and currently financially challenged, make your way to the library!

Enjoy
xxx

Tasty Pallets: Jamaican Fried Dumplings

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A while ago I took a trip through the Caribbean and came across this delicious treat. Upon first bite, I realized I was truly in heaven because my mouth salivated at the idea of a second bite. Dare I say it, but I think I would have died a happy woman that day. I had almost forgotten about the dumpling until one day I was starving and craving something with Caribbean flare. Viola! My memory of my Caribbean cruise came back to me. So I googled the ingredients.

Jamaican Dumplings are so simple to make and taste great. It almost reminds me of fried dough with no sugar added.

2 Cups of Flour
1 Cup of Cold Milk or Water
2 Tsp Butter
1 Tsp Salt
1 Tsp Honey
1 Tsp Baking Powder
1 Cup Oil for frying

Directions:

• In a large bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, honey and salt. Rub in the butter until it is in pieces no larger than peas. Mix in water/milk 1 tablespoon at a time just until the mixture is wet enough to form into a ball. The dough should be a firm consistency. Knead briefly.
• Heat the oil in a large heavy skillet over medium heat until hot. Break off pieces of the dough and shape into a patty - kind of like a flat biscuit. Place just enough of the dumplings in the pan so they are not crowded. Fry on each side until golden brown, about 3 minutes per side. Remove from the pan and drain on paper towels before serving.

Enjoy

xxx