What Did You Say?

I was watching a couple on Clean House on the verge of getting into an argument about why they are driving each other crazy. This would seem normal for any couple, but what really got under my skin was the fact that every time there was a disagreement, the wife would walk away. The strange thing is that in the past I have been guilty of doing the same thing. Rather than bicker and argue about something I much preferred to walk away from the situation. But in doing that I never was able to properly resolve my issues. Instead, I was just erasing them from my mind, taking caution not to repeat the same mistake to avoid the argument.

Unfortunately doing this does not mitigate any problems, it simply bottles up the issue until one day it all explodes into the ultimate no holds bar fight. However, if one constantly seeks confrontation as a way to end all problems, it also back fires. When we're constantly looking for a way to solve the problem, often times it just makes the problem worse. People usually have one of two philosophies when it comes to approaching an argument: 1. Don't give up until I win or 2. Leave before I do something I'll regret. It is a struggle to find balance  between the two and often times throughout our lives we tip the scale  towards one action more so than the other. There is this delicate balance that needs to be found in knowing when to face the issue head on and when to walk away. And this has to be applied to every aspect of our lives. Here are some situations I think we should all put to practice:

When to Walk Away

• When the situation can effect your job: At some point in time we all will have to deal with a supervisor who is just plain rude and ignorant. They may go on an endless rant about how we're not working up to their expectations or some other excuse with further supports exactly how ignorant they truly are. Regardless, confrontation with a supervisor will more than likely lead to you getting written up or fired. So when your supervisor is being a pain, just walk away
• When you don't even know the person you're about to fight: This should be common sense right? So why do I constantly hear stories about people who end up in a hospital because of road rage? Come on! When you are in public, you have no idea of what any person is capable of...just walk away! You may just save your life
• If the issue is about mediocre things: I've seen people start arguments about looking at someone the wrong way. I mean really? The person could just have a lazy eye, let it go. Who cares if someone doesn't like the way you look, smell, smile, talk, laugh, etc. The only approval that really matters is the one you hold for yourself.
• When it will cause your body physical harm: I believe that fighting should be utilized as a last resort. If you have exhausted all attempts to avoid fighting, then go ahead and swing. But if you can save your body the pain and your reputation the humiliation, then do it by walking away

When to Confront the Problem

• If it is issues with the spouse: Any repressed issues with the spouse will end up coming up again at some point in the relationship if you don not immediately address it. So save yourself the time and trouble, and get it out of the way now
• If it is verbal abuse: I don't believe any person should allow someone else to speak down to them, period! If you let it happen once, they will do it again. Confront these type of issues head on, and be firm. Bottom line is that they need to show you respect.
• When it involves changing a person: I'm sure at some time you will have to deal with a person who is trying to change something about you that you won't like. The rule of life is that you cannot change a person who does not want to be changed. So any arguments surrounding this will have to be dealt with
• If it is a repeat offense: I had a situation with an acquaintance who was consistently flaky. After the third time I simply decided to address the problem because it was driving me crazy. It especially annoyed me because we had a conversation about the issue the first time it happened! When someone continues to do something that you have previously discussed with them, address it or they will continue to do it.

Of course there will be a list of other pressing situations to deal with, so you will have to use your best judgement in each situation. After a bit of trial and error, you'll find the balance that will make your life much more easier.