Where Did Time Go?

It seems like only yesterday that I logged onto Blogger and began my first post. Over 5000 views later I'm now a year older, a year wiser, and can proudly call myself an official blogger. Four days ago I was at work in a chaotic mess when suddenly I realised the source of all the franticness was for the upcoming highly anticipated celebration of a New Year.

Time has certainly flown by without my knowledge. But I realised something amazing in that moment of epiphany. I realised that I have no longer  become a slave to time. At least not in the traditional sense.

Back in 2010 when I started reading The Secret, I learned that in order to be at one with the universe, we must recognize and accept that time does not really exist. How many times have you gone to work and started working on a project only to look up at the time and realize that 5 hours already have gone by? How many times have you started a boring task and find out that only 5 minutes of your long day have past by? I'm sure one or another of these situations have happened to you. They do to all of us.

As members of this society we value time because it affords us an opportunity to be, do and live life to our liking. Time is as precious as money and yet there are moments in our lives where time has escaped us, or even worse, has been wasted.

Unlike many others, I made a decision not to make a new years resolution. My decision was based mostly on the fact that I found it an absolute waste to devote such precious "time" to something I probably was not going to uphold. Most importantly it was based on the fact that this New Year meant more to me than empty promises written on a piece of paper. This new year is a gift of time. It is the most lavish present given to me and I want to appreciate it by utilizing every moment for what it is.

Today we have all been given a possible 300+ days to live an extraordinary life. The life we've always wanted. The life we've always prayed for. So rather than focus on counting down goals day by day, focus on striving towards your inner happiness and you will find you have all the time in the world to do whatever it is your heart desires.

Enjoy
xxx

The Right Tools

With all the distractions in life I've almost forgotten my love for writing on this blog. Venting, and sharing positivity, or insight. Don't worry my dears, until my brain is fully incapable of functioning, I won't stop writing.

Today I am reading a manuscript about my favorite topic, money management. And although I'd love to delve more deeply into the topic, that is not what I'm going to discuss today. Today I'm going to talk about the tools we use to get to success.

How many times have we heard the phrase "You need to have to right tools to do the job"? Probably 100 times with in the last year alone. So as this substantial piece of advice repeats over and over again in our heads, it's no wonder we become fixated on getting the right tools. Hunting down the latest IPhone model. Standing in line for hours to purchase that new $2500+ Nikon. Working our butts off to get into the most prestigious universities all with the intention of "having the right tools."

So now you have the right tools, but do you know how to use them? Enter in phrase number two: "It's not about what tools you use, it's how you use them." What sense would it make to buy the most advanced version of Adobe Photoshop if you have no clue how to use it? None at all!

If your objective is to be the best, you must learn how to use the tools you have first. Once we have learned how to use basic simplicities, it becomes almost second nature to master more complex things.

Short and simple yet still immensely profound.

Enjoy

xxx

Who Are You Really?

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I'm prepping mentally for yet another interview. Postulating answers to questions they might ask me. But none as familiar as "Tell me about yourself".

As we sit there in our best clothes and wear a beautiful fake smile, I wonder why this person would ask such a question with a document containing my every move since high school on it. I ask myself "Isn't it obvious that I'm a well rounded college graduate looking for a job?" So in response to the enigmatic quandary I simply regurgitate everything written on my resume with maybe one or two things not on the paper for brownie points then plaster on another smile.

But alas something inside feels hallow. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach at the realization that sometimes in order to get what we want, we have to be who we're not. The truth is I'm not the Type-A personality recruiters salivate at the prospect of hiring. But I know by acting like one, my chances of getting the job increase by 60%. Moments like this happen all the time in every aspect of life.

A subtle thing that most people don't notice about me is the fact that I change my vernacular to match the crowd I happen to be around. Is this being fake? In a word yes. But if that allows the person I'm interacting with to be a little more comfortable, is it wrong? Is it wrong to put on a show of being conservative to get a job you've always dreamed of when the true you is wild child? Is it wrong to act like a highly adventurous, spontaneous, out of the box character to impress a person you really like? Is it wrong to put on a happy face after something terrible has happen in your life?

Ask yourself, have you ever really gotten anything from anyone without having to insert a little white lie here or there? Most likely not.

The truth is, being authentic is a more difficult than people think. Sure we can show it off a bit, but there comes a time when we need to censor our true selves. The absolutely true version of yourself is really only reserved for you. Even your closest ally, lover or family member will never know your deepest darkest secret, your lifelong fantasy, your greatest fear, etc. No one can ever know you but you.

So when the statement "Tell me about yourself" is presented, remember that revealing the true you is not what they want to hear. Society wants to hear the story of a person is some pocket size version of a super hero. They want to hear that you can perform miracles but  be broken if necessary.  They want your personality type to match their fantasy. They want you to be someone they are comfortable being around.

So who are you really? You are whatever you need to be to get what you want.

Enjoy
xxx

Friends, Money + Shades of Grey

Do not underestimate the phrase "You are the company you keep". In the past, every few months or so I would go on a hiatus for several weeks. Why? Because I had no money and couldn't afford to hang around my friends.

Now I'm sure you're wondering what friends have to do with money. Well think about it. Imagine going to the mall and seeing a group of friends walking together. Chances are they are wearing virtually the same thing, shopping at the same places and most likely have the same number of bags in their hands. Yet in actuality their incomes could be completely different! One friend could be making a comfortable cushy salary while the other makes the bare minimum. Regardless if person B is struggling, they know deep down that if they want to keep the company of that friend they're going to have to keep up with the spending too.

Let's admit it. Keeping friends is practically a second job (except you're trading money for time). One that can be expensive depending on who you like to hang with. This is a concept I knew very early on in life but didn't really bother giving much attention to. As long as I could take care of myself (and perhaps give my friend a little help too) than I was all set.

But alas, I ran into a few money woes or two. And that is when everything was not all set.

So here's are some of my conclusion to this issue with friends and money:

Be rich. When there's money in your pocket, there's money to entertain yourself hence you'll be able to keep up with the Jones'. Sounds shallow, yes. However I've learned first hand that people start to disappear when your pockets are empty. Don't believe me? I challenge you to 1 month of being penniless. I guarantee you'll be awakened.

Understand the golden rule. Remember that episode i Sex & the City when Miranda refused to lend Carrie money? That's because she knew that money and friends don't mix. I used to be an avid money lender. However when the tables turned I found my friends weren't so quick to offer a hand. Outraged? A little. But it's not because they weren't good friends, it's because they understood something I didn't. When we mix friendship loyalty with finances it gets pretty messy. Make that down right ugly.

Be upfront. When you're going out and about set a limit that everyone has to stick to. Even if one person is spending more than the other it sets off a chain reaction. If you're a big spender, you're essentially throwing your money in your friend's face. You may even unconsciously trigger your friend's uncontrollable spending habits (you may or may not care. It's your conscious not mine). Of course this is just a suggestion. If you have incredible discipline when it comes to money management, then ignore this advice.

If your pockets are collecting a bit of dust (or debt), please follow suit and take a break from your friends. Sure they may think you're hiding or being shady, but it's better than feeling shame at not having enough to keep up. You can opt to tell them you're broke (which is a bad idea in my opinion), but I can almost guarantee it won't make a difference.

Friends are great! But don't let them influence your finances unless it's adding more money in your pockets.

Enjoy
xxx

Sincerely Me

pic courtsey of Freak Alternative Photographics [1]

Dear World,

I don't when it happened, but you have unconsciously turned into a robot. You are no longer alive. Everyday I watch you get up go to work, go home, eat dinner, go to sleep, and repeat the cycle again. What happened to the days when you spoke your mind unfazed by the criticism of others? What happen to the times when your clothes would make a statement of the person we both know you really are? What happen to making your dreams a reality?

You've become a slave to the paycheck. You've become a slave to fear. You've become the butt of jokes among strangers. You've allowed far to many things to slide. You're trapped in the twilight zone of comfort. Imprisoned by the familiar. You don't even realize you're no longer living.

I know you're not happy. So get happy. 

Feel the breath of fresh air expand your lungs. Feel the sensation of blood running through your veins. Take off the shackles of monotony and be a little spontaneous. Live. Live the life you've always dreamed. Live the life you know you deserve. Be bold. Be courageous. Be extraordinary. Be legendary. Do it now. Do it today, and I promise you'll thank me later.

Sincerely,

Shirley T.

Why No One Helps You

On Sunday afternoon I made the long trek into Boston. The sun was out, the temperature was nice, and all was good in the neighborhood. I was especially happy because after months of having to listen to other people's conversations, birds, trucks etc I now had an Ipod to drown out the outside world. Funny how that didn't work though because as soon as I stepped onto the subway a behind me exclaimed "Excuse me ladies and gentlemen!". Oh brother.

All eyes shot to her with a bit of shock but no one made any sudden movements. Because she was standing right behind me it was hard simply ignore her and turn up the volume to my ipod. So I pressed paused and listened.

"I don't mean to do this to you. I know everyone of you wouldn't want to be in this situation. I know some of you are parents who love your kids dearly..." At this point almost everyone returned to what they were doing. A few continued conversations with their friends. Others looked down into the hands with extreme concentration trying to memorize every wrinkle. Then there were those who just turned their backs to her pretending as if her loud boisterous voice were just a whisper. We all knew what was coming.

"I have a daughter in Providence about to be dropped off. I left my wallet at home. I have absolutely no money. If any one of you could spare any money please it would help me so much."

A silence ensued. She huffed with breaths of exhaustion as if she had been running rapid in the streets of Boston looking for spare change. You could see the sense of desperation in her eyes. But like creatures of habit, everyone was hesitant. Shoulders went up while clutching their purses tightly to their body. Eyes rolled skyward. And I was one of them. Pessimistic. Surmising she would take the money and just use it for drugs. After all isn't that what they all do?

I turned my Ipod back on, but kept the music low.

"Please! I need help. No one will help me."

Right there a chord struck inside of me. I went in my bag, pulled out my wallet and drew out a crisp dollar bill and handed it to her.

So why did I do it? Because over the last months or so I have been struggling. Wishing that someone could just give me a hand. Praying that God would see my strife and alleviate it. But nothing. (at least for a while). No one had faith in me. And it's no mystery why because it was clear I didn't have faith in myself so why would anyone else trust me?

We tend to hesitate to help people because we don't trust their intentions. So when that lady (who by the way had on clean clothes, combed hair and was carrying a backpack) said the last line I imagined myself in her place. I imagined me being the people I ask help for. In that moment I realised why no one wanted to help me. Not because they didn't want to. Because they were unsure of my intentions. They didn't want to help me only to feel scammed moments later.

Giving that money to her had nothing to do about the money. I learned a valuable lesson that day, so she deserved to be rewarded for it.

I encourage everyone to stop the hesitation when someone asks for help. Those moments open an opportunity for you to impact society. It's not really your business what they do with the assistance you give them. You're job is to be a positive impact. Besides it's good karma and it will always come back to you ten folds.

xxx
Enjoy

You Must Really Hate Yourself

I'm back. Miss me? Well I know I missed you. Outside there's been a sweltering heat that refuses to cease. None the less, I'm enjoying basking in the sun, getting darker, and relishing in the joys of summer. Speaking of which I'm going on a rampage. I was having a conversation with a young black girl about hooking up her brother with someone. She expressed concern how she was having problems finding someone decent. She recalls the last girl he attempted to talk to was extremely ugly. "Why was she ugly I" asked to which she responded, "Well she's dark, and had natural hair."

My eyes squinted with confusion. As she was talking to me, I thought she must have been either blinded or extremely stupid. Me with my beautiful dark skin proudly sporting a dynamic Afro kept my mouth shut waiting for her to continue with valid reasoning as to why this woman was ugly. Instead an awkward silence ensued.

Maybe it's a bit naive of me, but I didn't think black women still thought like this. I kept thinking is she aware that her natural hair is curly? No matter how many perms she puts in her hair, at the end of the day it's still going to grow back in it's natural texture. As far as the skin color goes, I won't bother myself with such racist remarks.

It's absolutely absurd how some women define beauty. Most of which is superficially and highly unrealistic. But using skin color and hair textures as qualifiers for true beauty only shows how insecure one really is. I kept thinking to myself, this woman must really hate herself.

I understand that it's hard being black in America to some extent. But I also believe it's only hard if we perpetuate this line of thinking. How long are we going to keep thinking that black is not beautiful? Why the hell is it not?

So I guess my question to anyone who has ever encountered this is should we hate ourselves because we don't fit the mold? Should we attempt to lighten our skin and wear straight hair just to get a date? I really want to hear your responses because I'm most definitely following up on this topic.

Cheers
xxx

Don't Burn Bridges

Strange as I have lived my life by the exact opposite philosophy that I am now sitting here telling the world to not burn bridges. Again as I learn things about myself I like to share. So when I came across this quote from an acquaintance of mine I was moved.

He said "Don't burn bridges because you never know when you will need that person."
Though I know my associate was speaking mostly in terms of business, I feel this idiom truly falls into many aspects of our lives. Isn't it annoyingly true that when we most need something, it's through someone we no longer speak to?

I was moved so much by this that I started to reflect on things I could possibly be doing now had I just stayed in touch with so and so. This is a serious issue for me. I like to keep a set of matches handy because I LOVE burning bridges. As a matter of fact, I start throwing gasoline on the bridge at the first sign of trouble. Everything always has an expiration date, so rather then wait for that moment I figure severing the connection would make it much easier. For me of course.

To be honest, it's my low tolerance for ignorance, stupidity, and mistakes. In my sick little head I believe people can do no wrong. That we are all perfectly capable of doing what's moral and most ethical. And that anyone I encounter will do just that. I grew up with this fairytale ingrained in my head and now at 25, I still can't seem to comprehend that this ideal is not real.

It's no wonder why I'm constantly disappointed. I cut these connections out of fear of being infected by the same imperfections. Being a disappointment to someone else. A fear that my presence in their life is insignificant or unappreciated. Just a few theories, but I can never really tell for sure. All I know is that once I turn my back on these people, I never look back.

Sigh. I've heard this very phrase said in many ways to me and never really listened. But today I think I'll listen. So after one more social network purging (old habits...what can I say) I shall learn how to finally keep ties.

High Class Lady Woes

My sister is a prime example of what people call a high maintenance woman. On any given day you can expect to see in with manicured hands and feet, her body adored in the latest fashion and her hair styled to perfection. Even on her off days she manages to look primly polished. She follows the rules of lady etiquette very strictly. You won’t catch her placing her expensive purse (or any purse for that matter) on the floor. She smells as if she bathes herself in delicate perfume and when you speak to her the first question is almost always “Where do you see yourself in the future?”

Daddy Wasn't There

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I was fortunate enough to have my father raise me. It's one of the many things I take pride in knowing. It's unfortunate though that there are a number of men & women out there who were not as fortunate as I. Enter the "Daddy Issues". I'm sure these individuals subconsciously know they have issues with the fact their fathers were not present in their lives growing up. However admitting it is something completely different. Hence the reason why I occasionally bump into people who take out their built up frustration in the form of emotional hang ups, resentment and promiscuity.

Looking In The Mirror

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I made the decision to take a Facebook hiatus. Instead of the doing the usual "avoid it at all cost" I simply deactivated my account so I was less likely to be tempted into signing on. I realised in doing so that very few people would question my disappearance. Of the 300+ friends I have on Facebook, I can name about 5 who would have a slight curiosity about my disappearance. And of those 5 only 3 would genuinely be alarmed. It is so very rare that we encounter people who have a genuine interest in us. And those people fall into three categories.: Pets, Blankets, & Mirrors.

Diary of a Hungry Man

{pic via} Today's topic came from an acquaintance of mine (bless his heart) who so audaciously stated that "chivalry dies with every woman who does not know how to cook." This declaration had many responses no doubt which comes as no surprise being that chivalry has become such a hot button topic in the modern age. I've been increasingly perplexed as to the root of chivalry's disappearance. I'm sure I'm not the only woman out there who gets slightly aggravated when a man walks to the door and only opens it for himself or for the instances when a man doesn't offer his seat to a woman standing directly next to him. It certainly has not gone unnoticed that the modern day man has virtually ceased all acts of gentlemen like behavior towards women.

When I Grow Up

When I was young I couldn’t wait to be an adult. I imagined it to be an end to all things I hated about youth. No more awkwardness, no more insecurity, no more trying to find a crowd to fit into. No more asking permission to go anywhere and most definitely no more judgment for my every move. Adulthood was supposed to be this glorious moment of freedom, confidence and total control over life.  In reality adulthood has turned into the next version of our youth. Think about it: professional societies, and private clubs have replaced the in crowd and mindless chatter at the water cooler have replaced the conversations by the high school lockers. Every day we require permission from the little man at the cross walk to walk , the green light to continue to driving, or the check from work to pay our bills, eat and virtually live. Our friends, bosses and perfect strangers take extreme notice to our every move so they can encourage our success or chide our mistakes. Depressing huh?

Keeping Your New Year's Resolution

I feel as if I just blinked and the year was already half done. Looking at the calender in amazement as time has not only hurdled past me but left my lengthy resolution list with it. With only six month left until the year's end it's no wonder very few people resolve to abstain from making a new year's resolution to begin with. Though life may at times seem a mundane slow moving turtle, it's hard not to be beside yourself with bewilderment when finally realizing time flies at a more rapid pace than we imagined. Rewinding back to January most of us stood outside in the freezing cold weather with great anticipation as 2010 slowly wound down and 2011 sprung up with such fever and hope. In those moments, a sigh a relief swept over us as we promised ourselves to start a bigger, better, and bright future sealed with kisses hugs and champagne.

From Virginity to Abstinence

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I turn on the music and begin to relax to the jams of Jill Scott. The tune in particular that is invading my eardrum is Imagination. My heart stops. As I listen to each lyric the trusty organ in my chest cavity literally aches because Jill is describing something I've always imagined myself but had never experienced. Making love. Making passionate love at that. And just when I've gotten lost in the eloquence the heavy hypnotic beat of Crown Royal drops and I'm completely enticed. After the erotic song hits completion here I am left alone with my sensual thoughts and yet significantly I came to a very unusual contentment.

I'm Not Apologizing

I'll keep this brief. For those out there who live a Quaker lifestyle, my hat off to you. I commend you for being able to wear dainty drab fashion in your day to day life. I applaud you for using your money to purchase bulk size toilette paper instead of those flashy loafers you've been eying for months. Congratulations for staying home to watch TV while all your friends are out for drinks at the bar. Bravo!

As for me, I'm not saying sorry because I like to spend my money. I'm not apologizing because I find a bit of joy in material things. Should I feel ashamed that my body looks incredible in those designer skinny jeans? Should I hide the fact that my true love is Loubiton, Jimmy Choo and McQueen? Should I not be absolutely impressed (and slightly turned on) by a man in a tailored suit rocking a Movado watch? Can someone please explain to me why living in an enormous home in the suburbs with a Benz parked in the garage is such a terrible thing?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a simple woman who enjoys the simple things in life. However, on the occasions I like to indulge myself, it seems it can't be done without someone preaching about materialism. Pause. Aren't these the same people who take annual trips to exotic locations while sporting the new Ralph Lauren spring collection? Yes that's right! The same people who get weekly spa treatment, eat lobster dinners with the 5.0 version of the Ipad are telling us how to spend our money. Sigh.

How about this...let's keep all unsolicited comments & judgments to our self. In the mean time, I'm going to continue to eye that yellow canary diamond at Tiffany's, slip my feet into those ridiculously expensive shoes while drooling over the latest sport car model.

Enjoy!
xxx

Scared of Lonely

I used to wake up every day to the sound of their laughter. The way their giggles pierced the air sent echoes of joy to my eardrums translating to a smile on my face spread to wide I couldn’t wait to jump out of bed and spend my entire day with them. I used to see their face every morning.  The mere sight of it sent waves of relief through my sprit, reassuring me that everything would be ok. I remember the days we used to spend together, completely broke yet still blissful because I was in such great company. I remember the midnight calls that had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt. I recall being in tears, completely depressed, unable to do a thing and having all those emotions completely wiped away while being wrapped in words of encouragement followed by a hearty embrace. I remember the way they smell when my head rested on their shoulder after an exhausting day. But most of all I remember the feeling of emptiness that graced me when they were gone. I guess that’s what it means to be alone.

When Bad Things Happen To Good Folks

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I know you’re a good person. You know you’re a good person. Given the opportunity you can list the great things you have done for anyone and pat yourself on the back for being such an outstanding citizen. Granted, with all the great things you’ve done, you find that good karma has not graced you with its presence. Today you’re probably wondering why bad luck is following you around like a lost puppy.

Making Asinine Decisions

I've kick myself a million times for many of the decisions I've made (especially as of late because they've heavily affected my business). At the time it seemed to be the best choice. I weight the pro and cons then came to a quick solution. I felt great about my decision for about 24 hours when everything looked brighter and possibilities seemed endless. After that I was haunted by those dreadful doubts.

Stop Pressing Delete

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First of all I want to thank all my readers! I really started this project to help promote my business but it turned into a wonderful outlet for me to vent and inspire at the same time. I know a number of you are reading but have not subscribed yet so feel free to click on those lovely links to the right :)

Onward to the topic at hand. My rule of thumb has always been if it doesn't work get rid of it. This rule applied to absolutely everything in my life from friendships, to relationships, jobs, and appliances. The problem is this obsession to delete essentially comes from an inability to have patience or even bother to give anything a chance. Some people like me reluctantly work on the three strike rule. However life ultimately does not work that way. You see, sometimes it may take that 4th try to actually make something work but since we've already quit and trashed the project we never get the opportunity to find that out.