It Won't Last

A friend of mine was showing me pictures on facebook of this guy who wants to take her out. As I looked at the pictures, I was thoroughly impressed. The guy was extremely handsome, tall, tan, and adventuristic. He's every woman's fantasy. Now usually I would tell her to go ahead and let the man take her out on a date, but she's already in a relationship! So I told her it's a pity she's already has a man, to which she responded "What my boyfriend doesn't know won't hurt him....anyways he didn't ask if I had a boyfriend." Sigh.

Now I love my friend, but I don't know how I feel about this. With the oncoming premier of my first book, this seems an appropriate time to discuss the topic of signs a relationship won't last. Though there are many signs a struggling relationship won't last, sometimes we choose to set aside the obvious to maintain a sense of security in knowing there will always be someone to fall back to in worst case scenarios. Our fear of being alone, or fear of an unforeseen future terrifies us more than the repercussions of hurting the person we are in a relationship with. My friend does have some underlying issues that causes her to act this way, but in essence it all stems from the same root of fear. If you find yourself in a relationship, but simultaneously seeking more, than maybe it's high time you realize that the relationship will not last.

Five Signs a Relationship Won't Last

1. You (or your mate) have commitment issues: This is something I almost always see. Some people have a tendency to be serial dater/ monogamist. They jump from relationship to relationship without even giving themselves a moment to just be single. These people carry a relationship stopwatch. When opportunity presents itself they are quick to take it, and move onto the next prospect.

2. There's tons of chemistry, but no compatibility: Chemistry an amazing thing, but chemistry in itself won't make a relationship last. Shared values and interaction is what sustains a relationship. I am guilty of this myself. Sometimes we get so caught up in the excitement of the initial energy this person ignites in us. We are blinded by the fact that those feelings  don't last, and when it's gone we continue to try reigniting a flame that has completely burned out.

3. You're keeping Secrets: We all know the phrase "Don't ask, don't tell" but when secrets are unveiled they have potential horrible ramifications. If you're in a relationship I should hope that you're in it for the long run, and not for temporary gratification. When you're in a relationship for the long run, secrets (especially those that pertain to the relationship) can tear a couple apart.

4. Your mate brings out your worst: Being in love and happy, and optimistic are all the good qualities of being with someone. However, when that same person has the ability to make you furious, and do things that you would never normally do, don't expect the relationship to last. When you compromise your integrity, you sacrifice your happiness. Being in a relationship with no sense of joy or happiness is pointless.

5. You're slightly embarrassed about your mate: Some people tend to focus on external approval to solidify whether their mate is the right chose for them or not. When we do things like refrain from PDA because we are embarrassed by our mate's behavior, or are obsessed with superficial things like grooming we are creating this barrier within the relationship. If you don't want to be seen with your boyfriend/girlfriend then why are you with them?

Overall, if you're looking into prospective new mates then maybe your should consider the idea that you may not be committed to being in a relationship. You may want to focus on you and what you really desire before entering a relationship.

I talk about this and more in my upcoming book 'Johnny Took my Heart: The Heartless Woman's Guide to Getting Over Him' coming out soon. Stay tuned for more relationship related posts.