I was fortunate enough to have my father raise me. It's one of the many things I take pride in knowing. It's unfortunate though that there are a number of men & women out there who were not as fortunate as I. Enter the "Daddy Issues". I'm sure these individuals subconsciously know they have issues with the fact their fathers were not present in their lives growing up. However admitting it is something completely different. Hence the reason why I occasionally bump into people who take out their built up frustration in the form of emotional hang ups, resentment and promiscuity.
There was a point in time where I thought Daddy issues were a figment of the people's imagination. It seemed highly implausible that so many men out there lacked the ability to be a father figure. Maybe these individuals were just using it as an excuse to justify the brandish behavior. But then again, the similarities of neglect seemed to coincidental to ignore. The reality of the situation is that there are a number men out there who are terrible fathers and as a result of their mistakes, these people's futures are dramatically effected.
I sympathise with them. I can only imagine how difficult it must be growing up in a society that preaches about good family qualities and shoves Cosby-Show-like family scenarios in our faces. Yet when these individuals were growing up, it was no TV show. There was always something missing. Like discipline for doing something wrong, or support when mother didn't have the energy to do it, or the lessons about the birds and the bees followed by a firm warning to be careful. That void turning into something they would later try to fill with the affection and attention from just about anyone.
However I think it's just about time to face the music. One can only go so long holding onto aggression before it turn detrimental. They need to realise they are wasting a tremendous amount of time holding onto the hate associated with their fathers. They don't realise how much they are holding themselves back from growing when pointing the finger of blame at "Daddy". Just stop!
Daddy wasn't there. So what! He is not the issue here, the resentment is. Think of it this way, to allow these fathers to continue to run through your mind is just strengthening his power of you. It's reinforcing this idea that there is something wrong with you. This is not helping you. This is not empowering you. It's making you weak! Being angry and having vendettas is not going to make the situation any better. It simply continues to make it a larger issue and will always be an issue as long as you make it one.
I may not know what it feels like to not have a father in my life, but I know exactly what it feels like to be abandoned by someone I love. In that situation I held onto the anger until it literally blew up. I had a heated confrontation with that person which had accomplished absolutely nothing because in the end I still felt angry. It wasn't until I made the bold decision to forgive that person that I could really move on. For the sake of my sanity it was the best decision I ever made. What's your decision going to be?
Inspirartion: Father Abandonment Molded Obama
Enjoy
xxx
4 comments:
I would say the only problem with this is making the comparison of a father with someone else. There is no substitute for a father, the same way that there is no substitute for a mother. Parents are meant to be a given; I think it is understandable for someone to always resent the person who is responsible for bringing them into the world, who has failed to love them. Without that father no matter how good, or bad, one simply would not exist. I think it is perfectly reasonable for our relationships with our immediate creators to always hold significant importance and even a sense of direction within our lives. Walking through life without that presence, is like walking through life with half an identity.
Hi Kam! I purposefully withheld the fact that the person I was referring to is actually my mother but I guess it would seem more relateable if I had just said that to begin with. Anywho, I completely agree with all your comments. I felt like I grew up slightly lopsided because my mother was never around to teach things about being a woman. However, holding onto that resentment did nothing to make the relationship stronger. It just created a larger gap between us. It wasn't until I let the anger go that an actual relationship was able to form. I know too many people who are holding onto a "screw you" mentatily against their absentee parent. From experience I hoping to shed light on a simple way to start letting go of that issue
I understand :) I discussed this with my mum, and she agreed that it's good to let go of the negative feelings that have grown due to the situation. I agree too, but I also think it is understandable to never fully heal, and for this to be in the back of one's mind. But it's nothing that we should feel bad about; it makes up part of who we are. It feels like in the current world we live in there are growing blurs between the acts of holding a grudge, and remembering, as well as healing and suppressing. For instance, I will forgive someone for the pain they caused me at a given time. But I won't forget lol X
Lol! Now that just makes me wonder if anyone can truly forgive if we never forget.
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