Can't Help Falling In Love

Reading many of my posts you will know that I've learned the best love comes with time. It comes with assurance, with trust, with security and complete faith. I've come to believe that these thing most certainly do not happen over night. And for some strange reason, once I realized this to be true, expected the whole world to believe it too. After all at a certain point shouldn't this simply be common knowledge? Clearly I was wrong. In this chapter of my life, I find myself encountering people with extremely fairy tale like fantasies of love (which I'm pretty sure is going to offend someone).

It's been so hard lately to share my perspective on this subject. Mostly because I'm stubborn and refuse to adopt anyone else's philosophy on the topic. But secondly because it is truly unsettling to constantly change the idea of love simply because some love-craved person wants to feed you their psyobabble to make themselves feel justified in their romantic decisions. (Again I don't mean to offend, just ranting)

One night over glasses of wine with some lady friends, the topic of men came up (obviously not a surprise). What I absolutely could not internalize was the fact that these women whole heatedly believed that one could fall in love practically at first sight. They truly believed that love had limits i.e. you could fall in love, you could fall out of love. Apparently one can have love for someone, yet not love them at all. One can know love within the first few weeks of meeting someone sans any trial or tribulations.

That very discussion reminded me of the song "I can't help Falling In Love" (Side note: absolutely love the Bob Marley version. It is the only version I can listen too.) I listened to the song and for a moment almost fell into a trans.

Maybe, when caught in the moment, love is the only word we can use to describe the overwhelming sense of euphoria. The moment it passes our lips and is received by all to hear, it almost as if life itself has changed.

I guess in essence love is anything an individual defines it to be. But if little time has passed, or when we find a relationship has reach it final point, how do we know whether we were ever in love, or just fools who rushed in?

Maybe I'm Just Too Open

It's late, I'm emotional and for all sense of logical thinking should not be writing write now. Yet here I am with fingers steadily moving across the keyboard opening my heart to this not so private diary. The next few posts or so will be kind of raw, unedited and short. I've been exposed to a lot of experiences over the last few weeks that have unconsciously kicked me back into a places where I need to truly internalize my actions.

What bothers me tonight, is an inability to be vulnerable. The word itself sounds almost disgusting. The very idea of intentionally putting oneself in a position that may or may not cause you harm sounds audacious. Borderline idiotic...well just idiotic. However, with all my reservations about being vulnerable it seems that vulnerability may be the key to the missing piece of my life.

I was always taught never to reveal too much. Experience with being too openly emotional around the wrong person has cause me to harbor the belief that opening oneself up does not provide power, but instead stifles our growth. It was moments when I would reveal a private thought to a close friend, only to have them expose that very  information to the world that caused me pause. It happen when I would go out of my way to do something special for a virtual stranger, only to realize that they care nothing about my welfare nor do they even remotely remember my gratuitous gesture.

These bits of vulnerabilities were small, yet that simple exposure meant something to me. So here I am at 26 wondering why it's so hard to maintain new relationships/friendships when my mind keeps reminding me that at any given moment, someone is waiting for the moment my guard goes down to destroy my happiness.

Whether intentional or not, the fact is opening oneself up is a risk. The question that haunts me right now is, when looking to make new found bonds as a twenty-something, should we take that risk to be vulnerable or simply live with the idea that a cautious perspective is just a way of life?

No Ordinary Love

He was quite frankly the only man I ever loved. I had loved before him, and loved after him, but never truly loved anyone one the way I loved him. It was an experience which to this day I can never truly put to words. Often times I had convinced myself that he was indeed my soul-mate, and for that moment in time what we shared was a miracle. It was an extraordinary love.

The amazing thing about life is that we are blessed with an opportunity to experience love. A ubiquitous word used often by many but clearly defined by few. In your lifetime you will encounter many different shades and shapes of love. You will experience it in all it's glory. However, love is so powerful it can be overwhelming.

If you have ever experienced love, you know it is scary the first time you encounter it. It causes you to fear and question many things. You thirst for it day and night, to the point where that person's love is your only means of survival. Your desperation for that feeling hits you harder than rocks. It becomes your addiction, and you are a slave to it's every beck & call. You know nothing of reality, because the world around you ceases to exist with it's presence. The first taste of love is indeed potent. It is exactly what every man, woman, and child on earth should experience to truly understand the value of living.

Love is life. Life is love. There is nothing more. If you are out there pursuing your passion, or making bonds with family, or dating it is all rooted in the ground of love. You are essentially walking down the path of being an extraordinary person by simply loving. Today I truly want to encourage you to not pursue just any ordinary fashion of love, but that extraordinary love that leaves you feeling deliriously happy. For me it was the ability to share my life with someone. It is the ability to pursue my desires. And through these things I realize that my life truly aligned itself in perfection. And I believe within the depths of my soul that the same can happen for you.

I love you more than you will ever know.

xxx
Enjoy

Is it Really Over?

She sat in my room barely breathing through tears. Each exhalation was followed by deep heavy sighs of sorrow. She hadn’t eaten in 12 hours. She hadn’t slept even longer. Her eyes carried heavy bags that only added to the obvious display of her pain. She was sad, depressed, and desperate for answers from the universe. She mumbled under muttered breaths that one could barely hear. I sat there unable to do anything but keep a supply of tissues in her palm. After 10 years, she and her husband’s rocky marriage seemed to have drawn its last straw. It was time for a divorce.

This was the scenario almost two years ago on a dreary Monday morning as she and I sat in my tiny room during a healing session after their last explosive argument.  I was disheartened to see her suffering when once upon a time she was blissful with happiness. Over ten years ago someone was helping her into a beautiful wedding gown as she anxiously awaited the moment to walk down an isle to and equally anxious groom.  And now, the “I do’s” are being replaced with “I want a divorce”.

When we were young it seemed so simple. We go into our first relationships with great expectation, thinking that it will last forever. What really happens is we experience that first break up which taints our image of relationships all together. The unfortunate truth is that most individuals in relationships walk around knowing that there is a possibility the relationship will end. They go into relationship with the mindset that if all fails, break up. Lately what’s been bothering me is the very fact that we all subscribe to this dogma.

I was once asked why so many marriages end in divorce. And with little thought, the answer was simple: It’s because we can.

Breakups, divorces, separation are all sneaky words for options. Since that first experienced breakup the lesson learned was that when things don’t work out, use your options. In other words, you are not obligated to stay with a person if they are not your idea of perfection. In our youth, it truly is just that simple to cut ties with someone who simply no longer shared our interests. But in our twenties and thirties, does this same philosophy apply? Just because breaking up is an option, is it really in our best interests to utilize it?

It may seem like this post is heading down the direction of taking a certain bias towards clinging (aka settling) with whatever current relationship you are in, my point really is challenging the idea of breaking up. What if breaking up were not an option?

Where Did Time Go?

It seems like only yesterday that I logged onto Blogger and began my first post. Over 5000 views later I'm now a year older, a year wiser, and can proudly call myself an official blogger. Four days ago I was at work in a chaotic mess when suddenly I realised the source of all the franticness was for the upcoming highly anticipated celebration of a New Year.

Time has certainly flown by without my knowledge. But I realised something amazing in that moment of epiphany. I realised that I have no longer  become a slave to time. At least not in the traditional sense.

Back in 2010 when I started reading The Secret, I learned that in order to be at one with the universe, we must recognize and accept that time does not really exist. How many times have you gone to work and started working on a project only to look up at the time and realize that 5 hours already have gone by? How many times have you started a boring task and find out that only 5 minutes of your long day have past by? I'm sure one or another of these situations have happened to you. They do to all of us.

As members of this society we value time because it affords us an opportunity to be, do and live life to our liking. Time is as precious as money and yet there are moments in our lives where time has escaped us, or even worse, has been wasted.

Unlike many others, I made a decision not to make a new years resolution. My decision was based mostly on the fact that I found it an absolute waste to devote such precious "time" to something I probably was not going to uphold. Most importantly it was based on the fact that this New Year meant more to me than empty promises written on a piece of paper. This new year is a gift of time. It is the most lavish present given to me and I want to appreciate it by utilizing every moment for what it is.

Today we have all been given a possible 300+ days to live an extraordinary life. The life we've always wanted. The life we've always prayed for. So rather than focus on counting down goals day by day, focus on striving towards your inner happiness and you will find you have all the time in the world to do whatever it is your heart desires.

Enjoy
xxx

Living the Dream

One of my best friends gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. I was on facebook one day mindlesslesly probing through people's lives when I landed on her page. Almost everyday there was a new status update on her business. One day it would be new construction, the next it would be a sales event, the following day would be a fabulous on location shoot at some amazing wedding. It was so exciting to watch her business grow. I could remember when we were just young girls in high school dreaming about being rich and established. Suddenly this dream had met reality. And that's when a light bulb went off in my head as I saw the perfect opportunity to live the dream as well.

It began with simple idea for a business logo which  evolved into ideas for a business cards, and then my entire creative juices started flowing as I began to work feverishly on the images that invaded my head. What she doesn't know is that it took me months to create the best proposal (I told her it had only taken a week or so). I was riddled with so much fear I couldn't gather up the nerves to simply send the thing. What if she didn't like it? What if thought it was stupid or unprofessional? What if I had done this all for nothing?

When I finally sent it I had lost all feelings of apprehension. Instead what replaced it was feelings of achievement. I had told myself that if I did nothing in my life, this proposal would be the best thing I'd ever created. I believe it was two whole days before I heard anything back. But when I did, it was good! Shortly after I began working on a number of projects for her.

I tell this story because I had learned a powerful lesson. My dear friend had given me the opportunity to truly apply my abilities in the exact way that I wanted to. Before I developed this proposal we had had a conversation about business where she specifically told me that if we were to ever do business she would expect me to be 100% professional and blow her out of the water. So when I came up with branding ideas for her company I worked my butt off to make something amazing. Ever since then my work has strengthened and brought me countless opportunities.

Living the dream is 20% miracle and 80% work. There were a number of nights were I would lie awake in my bed simply dreaming of a better future. I prayed on it. I wished on stars. I would read books, watch motivational movies and talk to so many people. But all of that was a small fraction of what I needed to do in order to achieve what I wanted. Dreams come true when one is willing to take initiative and progressively move towards a goal. Living our dreams is about placing ourselves within arm's reach of opportunity. When you are a point in life where you are that close to being where you want, the only thing that stands in your way is the ability to grab it. Action is the secret recipe to living your dreams. Once we relinquish our fears and stop dreaming, we start living a reality far better than any dream.

Enjoy
xxx

Just a Life Story

Writing almost feels foreign to me  having spent so much time apart from it. As many of you know I have spent the latter part of my year working a part time and designing. I made the decision a few months ago to go back to school The irony of the situation is that if you have read my blog thus far you will know that I have very strong reservations about college and it's ability to add value to my life. Strangely enough it provided me with an opportunity to get out of retail and double my pay check.

In August I went through the worse stage of depression I have ever encountered in my life. I was irrational. Crying all the time. Fighting all the time. Doubtful about my decisions and had extreme low self esteem. It was such a new experience for me that I thought I had truly gone mad. There were days my parents crept around me with apprehension. Afraid to set me off. Each day a sense of guilt permeated through me. The feelings of insufficiency suffocated me.

I started looking into medical reasons for my behavior. Depression and bipolar disease would frequently pop up. At that point I had thought maybe it was time I checked myself into a clinic and get some professional help. Maybe I was just one of those people. So I went to sleep that night with little to no hope. The next day I woke to a bright sunny summer day. Birds chirping outside my window singing sweet melodies of happiness. Inside I felt nothing. Like an emotionless zombie my body moved out of bed and into the bathroom.

It was then I looked into the mirror and saw myself. I mean really saw myself. My eyes were a bright brown lit with a fire that refused to go out.The image that reflected in front of me was not how I felt. I saw someone beautiful, someone with potential, someone who embodied everything I wanted to be emotionally.  I got dressed and headed out that morning with only one thing in mind: I am Shirley T.

Several months later I have accomplished much. With a small salary I was able to get out of credit debt, acquire my dream job, perpetuate the success of my business, and still maintain balance of every element of my life. Though this story in itself is a cliche, it's hard not to tell a happy story that doesn't end with a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The story of our lives is this: you are not your situation. You are you. Depression is not a part of you it is only a situation that you will cross paths with. Financial burden is only a situation you will cross paths with. Heartache is only a situation you will cross paths with. These negative situations do not define you...you give it definition. Our lives are all tales written to our specifications. To acknowledge that our past has no power over our future is essentially what empowers us individually.

Enjoy
xxx