No Ordinary Love

He was quite frankly the only man I ever loved. I had loved before him, and loved after him, but never truly loved anyone one the way I loved him. It was an experience which to this day I can never truly put to words. Often times I had convinced myself that he was indeed my soul-mate, and for that moment in time what we shared was a miracle. It was an extraordinary love.

The amazing thing about life is that we are blessed with an opportunity to experience love. A ubiquitous word used often by many but clearly defined by few. In your lifetime you will encounter many different shades and shapes of love. You will experience it in all it's glory. However, love is so powerful it can be overwhelming.

If you have ever experienced love, you know it is scary the first time you encounter it. It causes you to fear and question many things. You thirst for it day and night, to the point where that person's love is your only means of survival. Your desperation for that feeling hits you harder than rocks. It becomes your addiction, and you are a slave to it's every beck & call. You know nothing of reality, because the world around you ceases to exist with it's presence. The first taste of love is indeed potent. It is exactly what every man, woman, and child on earth should experience to truly understand the value of living.

Love is life. Life is love. There is nothing more. If you are out there pursuing your passion, or making bonds with family, or dating it is all rooted in the ground of love. You are essentially walking down the path of being an extraordinary person by simply loving. Today I truly want to encourage you to not pursue just any ordinary fashion of love, but that extraordinary love that leaves you feeling deliriously happy. For me it was the ability to share my life with someone. It is the ability to pursue my desires. And through these things I realize that my life truly aligned itself in perfection. And I believe within the depths of my soul that the same can happen for you.

I love you more than you will ever know.

xxx
Enjoy

Is it Really Over?

She sat in my room barely breathing through tears. Each exhalation was followed by deep heavy sighs of sorrow. She hadn’t eaten in 12 hours. She hadn’t slept even longer. Her eyes carried heavy bags that only added to the obvious display of her pain. She was sad, depressed, and desperate for answers from the universe. She mumbled under muttered breaths that one could barely hear. I sat there unable to do anything but keep a supply of tissues in her palm. After 10 years, she and her husband’s rocky marriage seemed to have drawn its last straw. It was time for a divorce.

This was the scenario almost two years ago on a dreary Monday morning as she and I sat in my tiny room during a healing session after their last explosive argument.  I was disheartened to see her suffering when once upon a time she was blissful with happiness. Over ten years ago someone was helping her into a beautiful wedding gown as she anxiously awaited the moment to walk down an isle to and equally anxious groom.  And now, the “I do’s” are being replaced with “I want a divorce”.

When we were young it seemed so simple. We go into our first relationships with great expectation, thinking that it will last forever. What really happens is we experience that first break up which taints our image of relationships all together. The unfortunate truth is that most individuals in relationships walk around knowing that there is a possibility the relationship will end. They go into relationship with the mindset that if all fails, break up. Lately what’s been bothering me is the very fact that we all subscribe to this dogma.

I was once asked why so many marriages end in divorce. And with little thought, the answer was simple: It’s because we can.

Breakups, divorces, separation are all sneaky words for options. Since that first experienced breakup the lesson learned was that when things don’t work out, use your options. In other words, you are not obligated to stay with a person if they are not your idea of perfection. In our youth, it truly is just that simple to cut ties with someone who simply no longer shared our interests. But in our twenties and thirties, does this same philosophy apply? Just because breaking up is an option, is it really in our best interests to utilize it?

It may seem like this post is heading down the direction of taking a certain bias towards clinging (aka settling) with whatever current relationship you are in, my point really is challenging the idea of breaking up. What if breaking up were not an option?

Don't Tell Her He's Cheating

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So let’s say hypothetically you happen to be out and about then notice a familiar face in the crowd. It’s your girlfriend’s bf. You get excited, quickly searching the immediate area around him for her. Only you notice that most peculiar thing. She’s nowhere to be found. In fact, her bf is now getting up close and personal with some woman who is not his girlfriend. And to make matters worse you have just become witness to the two of them sucking face & grabbing a handful of butt cheek. Congratulations. You have just walked into a land mine.

Diary of a Hungry Man

{pic via} Today's topic came from an acquaintance of mine (bless his heart) who so audaciously stated that "chivalry dies with every woman who does not know how to cook." This declaration had many responses no doubt which comes as no surprise being that chivalry has become such a hot button topic in the modern age. I've been increasingly perplexed as to the root of chivalry's disappearance. I'm sure I'm not the only woman out there who gets slightly aggravated when a man walks to the door and only opens it for himself or for the instances when a man doesn't offer his seat to a woman standing directly next to him. It certainly has not gone unnoticed that the modern day man has virtually ceased all acts of gentlemen like behavior towards women.

Nice Guys Don't Finish Last. Wimps Do.

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All too often I’ve heard this phrase yet bit my tongue unable to properly articulate why this statement is false. I have watched as movies depicted these modern day Romeos getting stomped on by the girl chasing after the bad boys. I have watched as reality played out the Hollywood version of “nice guys finish last” starring the man who is always a friend never a mate. In "He's Just Not That Into You" I was especially ashamed to watch the nice guy get used and manipulated by the woman of his dreams. It broke my heart to see the emotional pain and turmoil inflicted on these men in the pursuit of happily ever after, whose vision got savagely shred to pieces by some random woman’s shameless nonchalant behavior. Yet through all that I can honestly say that maybe these men deserve every bit of misery.

Love Hard

Ran across this on the net and thought it was the best advice about love I've come across by a man thus far:



From Virginity to Abstinence

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I turn on the music and begin to relax to the jams of Jill Scott. The tune in particular that is invading my eardrum is Imagination. My heart stops. As I listen to each lyric the trusty organ in my chest cavity literally aches because Jill is describing something I've always imagined myself but had never experienced. Making love. Making passionate love at that. And just when I've gotten lost in the eloquence the heavy hypnotic beat of Crown Royal drops and I'm completely enticed. After the erotic song hits completion here I am left alone with my sensual thoughts and yet significantly I came to a very unusual contentment.

Always an Ex, Never a Friend

When people who were once lovers decide to become friends I seriously question whether or not these two individuals were ever interested in each other to being with. Granted, I am a firm believer that love is ultimately defined differently by each person, I truly believe that love never fades. The fact that two individuals who made a conscious decision to terminate their relationship decide to magically become friends (regardless of the intense feelings the had for one another) seems highly suspicious, and dare I say a bit mad.

Beware of the Serial Monogamist

 Jude Law & Sienna Miller in "Alfie(2004)"

A while back I wrote a very intriguing post called it won’t last where I talked about the signs a relationship is doomed for failure. This topic seemed appropriate to revisit. While at lunch with my ladies, I nosily overheard a woman’s angry conversation about her ex boyfriend and the fact he had a new relationship after only a week post break up.

Sidebar: I know it’s incredibly rude to listen in to other people’s conversation, but I couldn’t help myself! The topic was just too juicy!

Now pardon me for being so frank, but it is absolutely absurd that a perfectly sane person could miss the signs of a doomed relationship. This was a classic case of a serial monogamist at play. I am neither shocked nor surprised of how her relationship unfolded. Unfortunately some relationships end up like this because serial monogamism is a very unusual tactic, but is still commonly used. To break it down, a serial monogamist is an individual who loves to put on the show of monogamy. (Think along the lines of Casanova or Don Juan) These people relish in the experience of being in these pseudo relationships because of all the benefits they reap in the short term.  For a moment in time they indulge themselves in the pleasures of the “honeymoon phase” then quickly relinquish the relationship once the chemistry has faded and move with laser speed onto the next one.

Rather than wag our fingers and berate these individuals for their uncouth behavior we need to understand that they are only perpetuating this uncontrollable cycle because they lack consciousness of their actions. Any logical person can see that this serial monogamist is just a commitment phoebe in disguise. But they are oblivious! A commitment phoebe won’t come out right and say “I’m scared of committing”. No!  They’ll say something along the lines of “I’m not ready”, “Let’s take it slow”, etc. But a serial monogamist doesn’t say things like this because they are in a state of denial. So in contrast, they’ll say things like “I’m looking for something serious” or “I really want you to be my everything.” Now I’m sure you’re thinking that doesn’t sound abnormal, but it does if the person is saying it to you after only two weeks of dating! When you encounter this…be very afraid! So here’s how to spot a Casanova in action:

1.       They have a devilish way with words: everything that comes out of their mouth will sound like sweet perfection. Be very suspicious of someone who wants to offer you the world and doesn’t even know your favorite brand of deodorant.

2.       They assume the role of your partner without you even knowing: You’ll slowly start to notice they go from calling you occasionally to every night. Now add terms of endearment, plans for Christmas, and viola! you have yourself a relationship

3.       Time! Time! Time: this person will rush into your life faster than a speeding bullet. They are quick to move things along while also claiming “we have all the time in the world, no pressure”

4.       Their dating pattern is a secret: Do not confuse this with their relationship history! They will be quick to tell you about their past relationships, but what happens in between the commitment is almost always a mystery

5.       They love to show off the psuedo relationship: They display the relationship like a shiny Masarati in a show room. Instead of reveling in the intimacy of the relationship, they take delight in the approval they receive from the public. They’re usually showing people your picture or lovey-dubby text messages to get a positive reaction

6.       They refuse to deal with conflict: At the first sign of conflict they are already making plans to bail the relationship and talking to a new prospect.  Instead of working through issues, they make insincere apologies and rationalize you’re being too sensitive or crazy

Now as silly as this may sound we may have an inclination to fall for this almost fairytale like situation; however, we must restrain ourselves. That person does not need our love; they need a therapist (or a really good friend). Their audacious behavior is clearly the result of repressed issues in which they need to sort out for themselves. If you so happen to be in the presence of a serial monogamist the greatest advice you can give them is to be single.

Enjoy

xxx

Becoming the Woman of His Dreams

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In my twenties believe I’ve learned much more about men than I have ever before. What I have come to conclude is that although men claim to be creatures of simplicity, they are actually as complex as women.  What makes this so hilarious to me is that tradition tells us as women, we should acquire one of these men and commence the process of heading down the aisle.  But how can one even begin think about such a task when we have yet to understand the needs and desire of a man’s enigmatic mind?

The amounts of theories I hear about getting a man to commit to a woman have me so confused I am tempted to rebuke them all. It wasn’t until my recent romantic fiasco that I truly began to understand how to become the woman of a man’s dream. Almost every man I have met tells me the same thing: “You’re different”. And this is where my revelation began. Hearing this is a good thing because in essence they are intrigued by my authenticity. Most women are trained to disguise their true selves until they have gotten a man to commit. We fall into a pattern of lavishing ourselves in seductive clothing, fake hair, makeup, etc. We even adapt rituals with the sole purpose of pleasing a man. However, unless these habits are things that come naturally to us, any man who enters our life will be able to see right through this pretense.

What it comes down to is this:  a real man….a good man…a man of integrity… the man of your dreams wants a genuine, authentic woman. What does that mean? It means be yourself. Do what you love, dress how you like and speak your mind. Contrary to belief, men do not want to commit to a Stepford wife. They want commit to a woman who has integrity, respect for herself, and refuses to put up with anything less than she deserves.

So here it is ladies, the not so secret way to becoming the man of his dreams:

1.       Earn His Respect. He will test you in many ways with anything he can. He is making a mental note of every move you make and everything you say. The key is to show that no matter what the circumstance is, you always have enough grace & tact to act dignified.

2.       Be Authentic. Don’t stifle your true identity because you’re trying to impress someone. Everyone has flaws! So no one in a position to judge your individuality. Learn to be secure with who you are and men will be drawn to your difference.

3.       Be Self Sufficient. Have your own! This means your own money, friends, mean of transportation, place to live, & life! I cannot stress how important it is to not be co-dependent. Men need to know you are not a leech.

4.       Love Yourself. Love every single dimple, stretch mark, pimple, wrinkle, and hair follicle on your body. If you can’t prove to a man that you love yourself than he’s not going to love you either.

5.   Have Confidence. Aside from physical confidence, be confident in every decision you make even if he doesn't like it. You may as well start removing "I don't know" and "I can't" from your vocabulary. Having a mind of your own is intruiging, a yes girl is boring. Again he will test you!

I guess the irony in all this is that the best way to attract a man is to completely forget about him and the idea of commitment. Instead focus on understanding and appreciating yourself. I clearly can’t speak for the true desire of every man because I am obviously not one.  But I do identify with the idea of being attracted to a respectable, self sufficient person of integrity. Therefore I believe the most logical thing to do is to take a lesson out of the man handbook and start applying it towards ourselves.

Enjoy

xxx

Dear John, Get Over It

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I say this with terms of endearment but as of late I've encountered one man too many who can't seem to let go of the past. We all know break ups go both ways. Women who decide to end the relationship in most case throw men for a loop. In essence she is stripping that man of the power he thinks he has over her and replacing it with an unbreakable enchantment. In situations like this, the man plays the role of the heart broken, tear jerking, obsessively begging stereotype usually associated with women post breakup. It is those first precious moments of heartache that I completely extend my sympathy for these men (after all having a broken heart really sucks). Unfortunately, after the initial gut wrenching stage my sympathy for them ends.

Throw Up Your Guards

To all my die hard Lauryn Hill fans I'm sure you remember the song Doo Wop. I remember being a little girl and my sister and I dancing to the song like a declaration of true independence. This song was the epitome of  "watch out". It rang truths in the eyes of society. Sadly, I find myself still playing this song in my head every time I hear a story of heart ache or encounter another bump on the road to happily ever after.

When Stalkers Just Won't Quit

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I've listened to many interesting stories about how men court women. But nothing as interesting as story of a reader who gave in and dated her stalker. She met him four years ago at a party and he hasn't disapeared since. Even though he was in an existing relationship his infatuation for her resulted in him showing up at her jobs, finding out where she lives, and sending multiple gifts to profess his undying love.

Cupid Reigns!

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Jadore! Besides Christmas Valentine's day has to be one of my absolute favorite days of the year. To dedicate a whole day to love in all shape forms and fashion is truly exemplary of the ability for mankind to show compassion to it's fellowship. While most people focus on the more romanticized, Shakespearean like ways of celebration, I tend to reflect on love and what it means to me. Love is my best friend. Love is the one emotion that compares to no other feeling. Love ignites euphoria which makes us happy, which make us appreciative enough to give back to other people. If we are to continue living in this universe with each other it only make sense that we love each other; flaws and all or drown forever in sorrow misery and solitude (what a drab!)

I'd like to sound uber intelligent and write words of great inspiration but they simply escape me at this moment. It all comes down to this, if you should wake up this morning without a person in this world to love, let it be known that I love you. And somewhere out there is some mysterious person you haven't met yet whose waiting to love you. If you do have someone to love, I encourage you to show your affection to nauseating extents. If you have a lover make love to them until you grow weary with exhaustion. We may not be overwhelmed with love every moment of our lives, but for the few seconds it wants graces us with its presence I say let it in!

14 CHEESY WAYS TO LOVE 

1. With a Card
2. With a Call
3. By Sending a Random Email
4. With a Meal
5. With a flower
6. With a unique date
7. By hold hands
8. With a compliment
9. Through support
10. With a great dessert
11. With a hug
12. With a kiss
13. With a song
14. By simply saying those infamous three words..."I Love You"

Don't wait another moment for love to come knocking at you door. Know that love already exists within you. We are all destined to receive love, for that you can be sure of. Thank goodness cupid sits around waiting to give us a little push along the way. I hope you have a wonderful day!

Enjoy
xxx

BF VS. BFF

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Don't you ever notice that once when we acquire a new companion in our lives, our friends start to disappear? A sad but true study at Oxford University stated that every time we get a new man in our lives we lose two of our friends. This is disheartening because it truly shows the sacrifices made in relationships everyday. But is being in a relationship worth losing friends? What are the long term effects of doing this in our lives?

Last night while I was watching Jersey Shore (yes I know, I'm not proud of it) one of the cast members totally isolated herself. Why? Because her once friends expressed a dislike for her boyfriend. To top it off her relationship with her boyfriend was not the best. She is well aware he has cheated on her and verbally abused her on occasion. Unhealthy relationship aside, the point is that she chose to make enemies of her friends so she can have someone to cuddle up with at night. Unfortunately she now leads an extremely boring life where her days consists of following her boyfriends like a stray cat. Now I can't blame her for being a sucker for love. When in a relationship, we tend to view the world in a whole new light. But our rose colored shades tend to turn people we once valued into foes. With relationships as detrimental as this, we eventually end up losing not once, but three times: two friends and a boyfriend.

So it all bundles down to this, losing a friend or two when we are in a relationship is to be expected. Not all our friends are going to favor our bf's and that should be accepted. But we need to be careful not to dismiss those friends when they are looking out for our best interests.

Enjoy
xxx

I Like You!

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When I was younger I never ever ever! approached a man I had a crush on. As a matter of fact, I would act the exact opposite way: total indifference. When he would walk by me, I'd pretend I didn't even notice he already walked into the room twenty minutes ago through the back door wearing his favorite blue shirt with one bag strap over his left shoulder (Too creepy?). There's something so magical about having a crush. What makes it so amazing is that this guy can become our ultimate fantasy. In our mind he's emotionally available, well dress, romantic, poetic, yet is also this edgy bad boy, powerful, masculine, and all encompassing Greek godlike model. In our minds, he is perfection. And I guess this is the reason why I never revealed to my crushes (and trust me there were many), how I truly felt. I wanted him to remain my piece of perfection. I wanted him to remain madly enchanted by me. (Don't act like you haven't done this before!) But the new me started to wonder what if I revealed my interest to my crush.

There are so many things that could go terribly wrong in this scenario. First he could be a complete idiot as apposed to the articulate, intelligent, charming and witty man you envisioned. Secondly, he could already be taken. And finally third he may be flattered, but uninterested in you. (Ouch). All reasons why I have chosen to keep my crushes secrets. So to test out if these theories were true, I made the decision to reveal one of my crushes. After weeding out the presumably single ones I narrowed it down to the one I deemed most interesting of the bunch.

Side bar: during this little experiment, a number of my crushes magically decided to start relationships. I guess I should thank facebook for giving me the heads up.

So before the new year started, I sent him a short yet heart felt email (I accidental deleted his number from my phone, oops!). I can tell you it truly did feel amazing being able to get that off my shoulders. But as suspected absolutely nothing followed. And for some strange reason, I'm OK with that. Granted this did prove theory No. 3 correct, I have absolutely no regrets that I did it. In doing so I have diminished all desires for this person. I now no longer worry about what could have been, because I now know that all the flirting was probably just a ploy to get into my pants. People always ramble that God works in mysterious way, but I believe He knows exactly what He's doing! And He saved me from that person.

My advice to you is to go find a crush that you've been keeping secret and reveal it. In the end you will find that sometimes our best kept secrets are the ones that hold the power to transform our lives tremendously.

Enjoy
xxx

Oh, umm..Thanks

I heard this hilarious story the other day of a woman who received what I believe is the worst gift ever from a boyfriend. On the day of their anniversary she arrived at her bf's home. Immediately she noticed that he looked extremely sexy in his dapper attire. Score! From that point she figured things could only get better, but apparently not so much. Later on that evening he presented her with a 'romantic' dinner for two. At the table her bf had set a single lit tea candle, Styrofoam plates, and two sodas. The utensils you ask? Well there were none, because the main course consisted of a $0.25 bag of Doritos and hamburgers. Lovely. Let's just say this was not exactly the four course dinner menu she had her heart set on, but I guess his intentions were in the right place. Well, at least she had the gift to look forward to.

After the unfulfuilng meal she looked at her bf whose face held an expression filled with excitement and enthusiasm. It must finally have been the moment she was waiting for, and so he gave her the queue to close her eyes. The woman was so elated about the gift that she twisted in her seat with glee. What did she hear as her bf pulled out the present? No, not the sound of Tiffany's box, but the familiar and distinct rustling of a brown paper bag! Not good. When she opened her eyes she was greeted by a bright red paper bag that read 'BIG SALE!' which apparently held her gift inside. Her boyfriend reached into the bag (which still had coupons he used to purchase the gifts with inside)and pulled out a vanilla scented candle.  He must have not been listening when she previously told him how much she absolutely abhors all thing scented vanilla. But she simply smiled and waited for the other gift that weighed down the oh so lovely brown paper bag. Next he pulled out a self help book with the widest grin on his face as if he had done something extraordinary well. Wrong! So apparently he chose to listen to her when she expressed feeling of insecurity, but not when she talked about vanilla? Interesting. The woman was thouroughly unsatisfied, and even offended that her boyfriend had gotten her these horrble gifts.

Here's the thing some people don't seem to understand when it comes to giving gifts. The gift must have significance, and it must show that you've been listening to your mate throughout the year. It is absolutely tacky to not even take the time to thoroughly plan out such a special occasion, let alone not even have enough time to wrap up a gift that was clearly a Buy One Get One free deal at the mall (Did I mention that he kept the other candle to himself?) If you haven't purchased your gift yet, than here are some great things to think about before you get her that present:

The Do's and Don't of Gift Giving:

DO ask her for at least five things she's been eyeing. This way She'll know that she'll definitely receive something that she's always wanted as apposed to something you suspect she wants
DON'T use her cries for help as an opportunity to get her a self help book. In a time of need, she needs a your shoulder, leave the self help books for her girlfriends to buy

DO take time to plan out a proper dinner. If you can't afford to go out to eat, make a dinner that consists of a salad, a main course, and dessert. Visit allrecipes.com if you need a few pointers. Everything should be eaten on a solid platew/ utensils and napkins (stop being lazy and wash the dishes!) .
DON'T cook the meal if you have never cooked in your life. You can purchase frozen dinners or pre-cooked meals at your local grocers.

DO buy flowers. Even if you can't buy her a gift, the flowers in itself will out shadow any of your small discrepancies
DON'T leave her presents unwrapped and in the shopping bag. As a matter of fact this shows that you don't even care about her gift at all. It's all about presentation. The prettier the package, the more you care. We want to know that you took your time out of your busy schedule and put your heart into making the gift special. Don't have the gift of wrap? Grab an inexpensive gift bag, some stuffing paper, and a big bow. Viola! You have a lovely package.

DO remember why you're getting her a gift. The gift is a representation of your affections for this person.
DON'Tget anything at all if you feel you're getting it out of obligation. Giving is supposed to make you feel great when your do it. Instead do something  like a serenade, a massage, or a poem that will like it comng from the heart and out of love (or like).

DO allow her to enjoy her gift
DON'T make plans to use her gift. A gift is not for you, it's for someone else

The best gift of all is absolutely knowing that something you are giving is bringing joy to someone else's life.This is your part of your life purpose. So give it your full attention and devotion because it will always come back to you in the form of happiness.

I Hope This Gets To You

So I was probing around online and found this absolutely adorable video. Here's the story behind the video, a very talented boyfriend rounded up his friends to make this digital love letter to his girlfriend in the form of a video. But here's the catch...she has no idea it's online. He's not telling her about, posting it on facebook, sending her an email...nothing. His hope is that it will eventually drift across the Internet and make it to her. To cute! If you're reading this, please please please pass it on!

Just Breathe

It really is unfortunate when you meet someone you really like and they just disappear. I'm sure many of us have had that one person that entered our lives, and suddenly left without a word. A friend of mine expressed this to me the other night and I empathised with her. I'm no stranger to the Mystery Man. The Mystery Man is that person that piques our interest yet we have no initial intention of getting to know him. But then, he suddenly expresses an interest in us a surprising fashion. Intrigued we probe for information about his life to which he almost always responds with witty lines filled with mystique. What could be more fascinating than magic? A man who delivers vague lines. Of course in the beginning he'll call consistently and somewhere along the line he manages to hook us with a kiss followed by some corny line that make us think of a future with him. That blasted kiss has fulfilled it's duty in making us crazy in like. Fast forward to the present. Now we haven't heard a word from him. Hard to believe but Mr. Mystery has moved on and oh yeah...he forgot to let us know.

Perhaps we should blame ourselves for being so naive and vulnerable to a person we hardly know. But this is something I feel people (especially people pleasers like me) do much to often. The feelings of having failed at doing all we could to appease that person is what really kills us inside. It is in our nature to naturally attract, and satisfy the people in our lives. And when that doesn't work it leaves us confused, hurt, and obsessed with finding the reason why.

I propose we take a moment to really assess whether or not this person was even worthy of receiving anything from us to begin with. A person unwilling to divulge information wreaks of suspicion. Mystery Man could very well just be a jerk. But I'd like to think he is most likely holding onto baggage which is hindering him from opening up to anyone. In reality Mystery Man hides his issues behind his success in the form of dashing attire, great educational credentials, high paying jobs, endless partying, and a barrage of sexual conquests. For the most part these things may just be innocent fun, but in other cases they could be tell tale signs that he cannot face his own inner demons. He has no sense of who he really is so when he enters our lives, we are completely oblivious of what we are getting into.

It's not your fault you were just being you. To blame yourself for not being able to solve that other person's problem is truly self defeating. It is a battle that cannot be won. Maybe one day Mystery Man will unleash his Pandora's box to someone, and who knows, it may be to you (that would be very interesting to say the least)...but until then start to accept that whatever the problem is, most likely has nothing to do with you. Allow that burden to rest entirely on his shoulders. Start to breathe and sleep easier knowing that he is one less person you have to take care of.

I'm Over It...I Think

A heart that still belongs to your ex is a heart trapped inside a prison. Why is it so immensely hard to overcome the end of a relationship? Maybe it's because that person was the best thing to have entered our lives. Maybe it's because that person brought such great joy to our lives. Maybe it's because the idea of letting something perfectly good escape our company sounds absolutely insane. But never the less, holding onto a past relationship does no good for anyone, especially not for you.

I've come to realize that more than our careers, education, or money, relationships are a priority in our lives. They create friendships, partnerships, sisterhoods, brotherhoods, mentors, families, and lovers. Yes, it is clear that the one relationship that has the most significant impact in our lives are the romantic relationships. But unfortunately this is the most unstable relationship out of all the relationships in our lives. Romantic relationships are the ones we want to talk about all the time, but very rarely openly discuss. Although some (especially women) walk around with their hearts on their sleeves, others (like men) walk around almost ashamed to discuss it. We create this empty prison constructed of disappointment, crushed egos, unmet expectations, hurt, and longing. That prison waits there ready for your heart just in case a relationship ever fails, and when that happens your heart stays there until it can finally build up the courage to break free.

Three Reason's it's so Hard to Get Over Someone:

1. The Happy Feelings They Gave Us: There's no denying the utter joy they bring to our lives every single moment we're in their presence. Once they leave, they take that happiness with them. It's hard to recreate a happiness which is dependent on another person

2. He's Always Around: He's always there in some form, but the one place that he cannot seem to leave is in our minds. Obviously it is really hard to escape from someone whose always in your thoughts

3.The need for Closure: ending a relationship with absolutely no excuse is the most vexing situation. Majority time when our relationships end we don't get this. For an individual who demands answers to questions, this is torturous.

Getting over an ex is most definitely not an easy feat. But it's only as hard as we make it. We complicate the issue using too many excuses to remain in love (or in like) with that person. So here's the thing, knowing that romance is so important what we want to do is give extreme attention to maintaining the strongest relationship with the best possible person. But if we have given all we could into that past relationship and our exes decide they no longer want to be with us, than maybe we should reevaluate if that is the type of person we should divide our attention to. Think of it this way, if you are an extraordinary person, than by definition you should be with an extraordinary person...nothing less. In most cases, your ex was the man/woman that wasn't quite extraordinary but was able to pass your threshold therefore you invited them into your life with high expectations. Sorry to break your heart but an ordinary person can only do ordinary things. So if you're looking to take the steps towards moving forward, part of getting over someone will first involve us accepting that maybe it wasn't meant to be...at least not with that person.

I discuss this an much more topics in my upcoming book "Johnny Took My Heart: The Heartless Woman's Guide to Getting Over Him" which will be available soon. Keep an eye out.