In my twenties believe I’ve learned much more about men than I have ever before. What I have come to conclude is that although men claim to be creatures of simplicity, they are actually as complex as women. What makes this so hilarious to me is that tradition tells us as women, we should acquire one of these men and commence the process of heading down the aisle. But how can one even begin think about such a task when we have yet to understand the needs and desire of a man’s enigmatic mind?
The amounts of theories I hear about getting a man to commit to a woman have me so confused I am tempted to rebuke them all. It wasn’t until my recent romantic fiasco that I truly began to understand how to become the woman of a man’s dream. Almost every man I have met tells me the same thing: “You’re different”. And this is where my revelation began. Hearing this is a good thing because in essence they are intrigued by my authenticity. Most women are trained to disguise their true selves until they have gotten a man to commit. We fall into a pattern of lavishing ourselves in seductive clothing, fake hair, makeup, etc. We even adapt rituals with the sole purpose of pleasing a man. However, unless these habits are things that come naturally to us, any man who enters our life will be able to see right through this pretense.
What it comes down to is this: a real man….a good man…a man of integrity… the man of your dreams wants a genuine, authentic woman. What does that mean? It means be yourself. Do what you love, dress how you like and speak your mind. Contrary to belief, men do not want to commit to a Stepford wife. They want commit to a woman who has integrity, respect for herself, and refuses to put up with anything less than she deserves.
So here it is ladies, the not so secret way to becoming the man of his dreams:
1. Earn His Respect. He will test you in many ways with anything he can. He is making a mental note of every move you make and everything you say. The key is to show that no matter what the circumstance is, you always have enough grace & tact to act dignified.
2. Be Authentic. Don’t stifle your true identity because you’re trying to impress someone. Everyone has flaws! So no one in a position to judge your individuality. Learn to be secure with who you are and men will be drawn to your difference.
3. Be Self Sufficient. Have your own! This means your own money, friends, mean of transportation, place to live, & life! I cannot stress how important it is to not be co-dependent. Men need to know you are not a leech.
4. Love Yourself. Love every single dimple, stretch mark, pimple, wrinkle, and hair follicle on your body. If you can’t prove to a man that you love yourself than he’s not going to love you either.
5. Have Confidence. Aside from physical confidence, be confident in every decision you make even if he doesn't like it. You may as well start removing "I don't know" and "I can't" from your vocabulary. Having a mind of your own is intruiging, a yes girl is boring. Again he will test you!
I guess the irony in all this is that the best way to attract a man is to completely forget about him and the idea of commitment. Instead focus on understanding and appreciating yourself. I clearly can’t speak for the true desire of every man because I am obviously not one. But I do identify with the idea of being attracted to a respectable, self sufficient person of integrity. Therefore I believe the most logical thing to do is to take a lesson out of the man handbook and start applying it towards ourselves.
Enjoy
xxx
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