Acting Like a Lady

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After two days of being in bed and getting acquainted with my new friend the bathroom, I finally mustered up the strength to get up this Friday afternoon. I took a brief walk to the bank, paid a few bills, and am now making feast with some Chinese food. Although I hate getting sick, I love the feeling I get when the illness has passed. I feel at any moment I can rip off my shirt revealing a magnificent and shiny letter S across my chest exclaiming, "Ah ha! I've defeated the virus once again!" (My sick little fantasy world). But anyway, here I am.

Through my moments of dementia, I came across some compelling facts and much awaited epiphanies.
1. I am absolutely terrified of being in a relationship
2. I use men
3. Men use me.
In the moments my mind finally came to realize this, I was able to slowly come to grips with the reality of why I remain a single woman who attracts the wrong men. Maybe it is the fact that I've always expected the worst of people before they even get a chance to mess up. Or maybe it's the fact that I thought of boyfriends as trophies and play toys rather than human beings with real feelings. The irony is that I've always chastised men for being misogynists or barbaric, when in retrospect, my fixation  for these negative characteristics had turned me into the very man I abhorred.

As of now, I am castrating my pseudo male anatomy and reclaiming my vagina (excuse the graphics but I had to get my point across). To all the ladies out there who are in angst over being single, have gratitude for being alone. When you're alone you begin to understand that maybe the problem truly lies in yourself.  We all think we know ourselves until one day we're trapped in bed in the middle of the night suffering from an untold sickness. It is only then that we begin to reflect on our lives and discover our true demons. It is only then, in the pits of darkness, that we find that our worst enemies are ourselves. I sound like a therapist on steroids, but I'm really just a girl with lots of time, good Chinese food, and access to the world. Crazy as it may sound, my revelations almost always make sense. So in this part of my experiment I will learn how to act like a lady, conquer my relationship gripes, and truly treat a man like a king.

Enjoy
xxx