Scared of Lonely

I used to wake up every day to the sound of their laughter. The way their giggles pierced the air sent echoes of joy to my eardrums translating to a smile on my face spread to wide I couldn’t wait to jump out of bed and spend my entire day with them. I used to see their face every morning.  The mere sight of it sent waves of relief through my sprit, reassuring me that everything would be ok. I remember the days we used to spend together, completely broke yet still blissful because I was in such great company. I remember the midnight calls that had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt. I recall being in tears, completely depressed, unable to do a thing and having all those emotions completely wiped away while being wrapped in words of encouragement followed by a hearty embrace. I remember the way they smell when my head rested on their shoulder after an exhausting day. But most of all I remember the feeling of emptiness that graced me when they were gone. I guess that’s what it means to be alone.

To everyone out there who has ever lost someone special (whether it’s a friend you no longer talk to, a love who you’re no longer with, or a family member you never see) to say the experience of losing a partner in crime is most devastating is an understatement. These situations creep up in the most inconvenient way at the most inconvenient time. It drastically changes our lives because we rapidly go from being dependent on another person for our happiness, joy and entertainment to drowning in a dreadful pit of despair when they disappear. We are ripped out of our pleasantries and thrust into an ocean without a life jacket to save us. We become so dumbfounded that a dominating fear emerges: The fear of being lonely.

The reality of it is being lonely after a long period of codependency is hard. Fortunately I’ve had the pleasure of successfully mastering the art of being alone. After that the first period of shock, we eventually come to the concession that people in our lives, like us, are in a constant state of evolution. Certain characters are in our lives to play a specific role. Once the curtains fall, they move out to make room for the next scene. The brief periods of loneliness we experience are the intermissions. Simply put, it is a moment we absolutely need to absorb what’s occurred thus far. It is the time needed to recognize what we need to keep or change to get where we want to be.  The fear of being lonely may very well just be a fear of change. But it is common knowledge that without change, there is no progress. Without those moments of “me time” we never truly get an opportunity to reflect on the things, people, or decisions we make that are detrimental to our future.

Needless to say there is no need for any of us to fear being without a friend, love, etc. Majority of the time we find that we are not really clinging to that person, but the feelings and memories they’ve left behind. Taking that first step towards enjoying our own company enlighten us to see that those cherished experiences we long for can be just as enjoyable if not better when we try it on our own.

Enjoy
xxx