The Great Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."-Marianne Williamson

Marianne Williamson describes hatred as an alternative description for fear. Think back to every time you've complained about the things you hate about life and society. I reflect on why I loath these things with such intensity. Until reading A Return to Love I would have thought hate was just one of those mystifying emotions that we as humans may never get a handle on. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that screams "this doesn't feel good." Now, I have come to the conclusion that maybe she is right. Maybe the things that we hate the most are the exact things that unintentionally stir up an underlying fear from within.

Here's my confession: I hate being normal. My fear is that everyday I slave away for those precious dollars at a 9-5 job, I lose a part of myself. Everytime I take on a role that is unfulfilling I feel I have committed the greatest sin. As the fear permeates throughout my thoughts, other attributes are effected. I my confidence slowly chips away, my demeanor unenthusiastic, and my attitude steadily becoming more artificial in an attempt to please everyone. My fear is that I may die one day without having made a profound impact on the world. My fear is that this nornal lifestyle is quite frankly the key to a depressing future.

The fear is overwhelming at times. But there's a part of myself that vehemently resists all attempts at being normal. It resists the urge to fit the mold. I desperately seek to be unique and different yet  have no idea how to translate this in a way that normal people will understand.

This may sound a bit arrogant but I believe I was specially made for something great. However this fear stifles my growth. It's stifles us all. Your great fears may be profoundly different from mine, but there is no denying that fear inhibits us from some activity that we truly want to do.

Within the next 30 days I fully intend to disregard my great fears. My intention is to not only test the amount of achievements made in this time period but to gain that sense of relief in my spirit that I am doing exactly what I was put on this earth to do. I'm tired of being average. There are enough average people walking the earth. It's time to be extraordianry. Definitely will keep you posted.

Enjoy
xxx

Never Ever Enough

One lesson that my parents taught me which I've carried with me through adulthood is this: good is never enough.

On friday five of my coworkers decided to quit, leaving me and two other people to close the store. Now I cannot begin to emphasise how large this store is. Or how insane the task of cleaning up while providing oustanding customer service on a Friday night at the mall is with just a 3 person team (excluding the manager of course). I'm pretty sure you can imagine it's crazy. Never the less, there I was as racks upon racks kept piling up, feverishly trying to be a class act juggler of the multiple tasks laid out for me. Needless to say we were unable to clean the entire store by the end of shift.

The following day came, more busier than the proir. Even with additional bodies working on shift, the combination of the previous night's mess compounded on top of the chaos of a Saturday afternoon had the entire store looking like a scene out of Jumanji. It was ugly.

My ears were burning with complaints from coworkers. They gossiped under not so low breath about how this mess was the fault of the people who were unable to clean up the store on Friday (that's code for me). Finally my manager walked up to me demanding an explanation for last night's fiasco. Although I tried to reason that under the circumstances we did as much as we could to leave the store looking good, she quickly dismissed it as an excuse. Bottom line is the store should have been clean understaffed or not.

I walked away from the store that evening feeling defeated. I tried my best to be good at my job, and yet good was not enough.

I took on this job simply for a paycheck as I continue to build my business. But somewhere within the last 3 months I lost sight of the objective. This simple part time job became a pet project. A challenge for me to be favorited, well recieved, and respected as a result of doing good. And so I worked hard at being really really good but not to the satifactions of my collegues.

When I was young my parents always thought I could do better. My mentors always pushed me to do something better. My professors, advisors, supervisors, whoever... always the same thing: "you should have done better".

It leads me to wonder: either I've been half assing everything my entire life or there are people out there whose expectations I may never meet. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. But over the last 12 hours or so my mind keeps asking the same question over and over again: will good ever be enough?

xxx
Enjoy

The Right Tools

With all the distractions in life I've almost forgotten my love for writing on this blog. Venting, and sharing positivity, or insight. Don't worry my dears, until my brain is fully incapable of functioning, I won't stop writing.

Today I am reading a manuscript about my favorite topic, money management. And although I'd love to delve more deeply into the topic, that is not what I'm going to discuss today. Today I'm going to talk about the tools we use to get to success.

How many times have we heard the phrase "You need to have to right tools to do the job"? Probably 100 times with in the last year alone. So as this substantial piece of advice repeats over and over again in our heads, it's no wonder we become fixated on getting the right tools. Hunting down the latest IPhone model. Standing in line for hours to purchase that new $2500+ Nikon. Working our butts off to get into the most prestigious universities all with the intention of "having the right tools."

So now you have the right tools, but do you know how to use them? Enter in phrase number two: "It's not about what tools you use, it's how you use them." What sense would it make to buy the most advanced version of Adobe Photoshop if you have no clue how to use it? None at all!

If your objective is to be the best, you must learn how to use the tools you have first. Once we have learned how to use basic simplicities, it becomes almost second nature to master more complex things.

Short and simple yet still immensely profound.

Enjoy

xxx

Great Sounds: Bag Raiders

I get eargasms when I listen to Shooting Stars by Bag Raiders. Since house music is still very much in music trend, anyone looking to expand their Ipod music library should add this group immediately to their playlist. This duo from the down-under (that's Australia if you didn't know) have a hit self-titled album that hit airwaves Oct 2010. But it's never too let to grab the album and start jamming. Visit the website here. Until then hope you love the video!

Enjoy
xxx

Who Are You Really?

pic source [1]

I'm prepping mentally for yet another interview. Postulating answers to questions they might ask me. But none as familiar as "Tell me about yourself".

As we sit there in our best clothes and wear a beautiful fake smile, I wonder why this person would ask such a question with a document containing my every move since high school on it. I ask myself "Isn't it obvious that I'm a well rounded college graduate looking for a job?" So in response to the enigmatic quandary I simply regurgitate everything written on my resume with maybe one or two things not on the paper for brownie points then plaster on another smile.

But alas something inside feels hallow. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach at the realization that sometimes in order to get what we want, we have to be who we're not. The truth is I'm not the Type-A personality recruiters salivate at the prospect of hiring. But I know by acting like one, my chances of getting the job increase by 60%. Moments like this happen all the time in every aspect of life.

A subtle thing that most people don't notice about me is the fact that I change my vernacular to match the crowd I happen to be around. Is this being fake? In a word yes. But if that allows the person I'm interacting with to be a little more comfortable, is it wrong? Is it wrong to put on a show of being conservative to get a job you've always dreamed of when the true you is wild child? Is it wrong to act like a highly adventurous, spontaneous, out of the box character to impress a person you really like? Is it wrong to put on a happy face after something terrible has happen in your life?

Ask yourself, have you ever really gotten anything from anyone without having to insert a little white lie here or there? Most likely not.

The truth is, being authentic is a more difficult than people think. Sure we can show it off a bit, but there comes a time when we need to censor our true selves. The absolutely true version of yourself is really only reserved for you. Even your closest ally, lover or family member will never know your deepest darkest secret, your lifelong fantasy, your greatest fear, etc. No one can ever know you but you.

So when the statement "Tell me about yourself" is presented, remember that revealing the true you is not what they want to hear. Society wants to hear the story of a person is some pocket size version of a super hero. They want to hear that you can perform miracles but  be broken if necessary.  They want your personality type to match their fantasy. They want you to be someone they are comfortable being around.

So who are you really? You are whatever you need to be to get what you want.

Enjoy
xxx